Glycerine
by Penthesilea1
Summary: A princess became a queen and a Jedi became a god. What will happen now? (Jacen/Tenel Ka)
1. Prologue: Glycerine

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Disclaimer: I do not own Star Wars, The New Jedi Order, or any of it's characters. Credit goes to Dave Wolverton for the creation of the Hapes Cluster, Ta'a Chume (Faala), to Elaine Cunningham for expanding into the history of Gallinore and writing many of the events that preceed this fic, to Kevin J. Anderson for the creation of Tenel Ka D'jo, and finally, one of my favourite NJO authors, Matthew W. Stover for his phenomenal work in Traitor. The title is inspired by the song by British alternative band, Bush. Go download it or buy the CD, it's awesome.

AN: Well, people have been bothering me to write a sequel to my other Jacen/Tenel Ka fic, "Between Pirates and Princesses," but since the New Jedi Order happens directly after it, I can't make a sequel. Instead, I'm writing another Jacen/Tenel Ka fic that will take place after Traitor, the book by M.W. Stover. I should update this fairly regularly, because is has priority over all my other fanfics (yes, even the Harry Potter one Jess J ) Anyway, this takes place from Jacen's POV.

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Prologue: Glycerine

__

Must be your skin that I'm sinking in

Must be for real cos now I can feel.

And I didn't mind

It's not my kind

Not my time to wonder why

Everything's gone white

And everything's grey

Now you're here, now you're away

I don't want this

Remember that,

I'll never forget where you're at

Don't let the days go by

Glycerine

__

I'm never alone

I'm alone all the time

Are you at one

Or do you lie

We live in a wheel

Where everyone steals

But when we rise it's like strawberry fields

__

I treated you bad

You bruise my face

Couldn't love you more

You got a beautiful taste

Don't let the days go by

Could've been easier on you

I couldn't change though I wanted to

Could have been easier by three

Our old friend fear and you and me

Glycerine

Don't let the days go by

Glycerine

I needed you more

When we wanted us less

I could not kiss just regress

I might just be

Clear simple and plain

That's just fine

That just one of my names

Don't let the days go by

Could've been easier on you

Glycerine.

Maybe everyone in the galaxy is crazy, or maybe it's just me. I'm not sure. I'm a lot less sure of everything that I used to be sure about and I'm more clear on what was formerly unconsidered.

I thought about you when they were torturing me. When they were teaching me. When they were worshipping me. I thought about you all the time, though for different reasons and in different ways. At first, it was because I remembered that when I was with you, I was happy. I remembered that at one time in my life I had known laughter and joyfulness, and that during those times, I was with you. The memory kept me going for awhile.

That was until I changed. When I started thinking like they wanted me to think. When I embraced the pain. I wondered what everyone would think, and what you would think. I wondered if you would still love me, or if you really loved me anyway and it wasn't just a teenager thing that had passed over time. 

I wish I knew.

But the question is more important than the answer. So when I asked myself whether or not you had loved me, I realized that I was admitting to myself that I loved you. 

So here I am, coming back to you. I'm coming back to a lot of people who love me and I'm wondering if you're one of them. All I know is that I loved you, and I'll still love you, if you want me too. I'm guessing there's probably a lot that has changed while I've been gone, and maybe you've found someone more deserving of your affection. People develop new interests, Jaina's feelings for Zekk have changed, and maybe yours have for me.

I really hope not. 

I won't say I need you. I know I could move on. Eventually. Maybe.

But the point is, there are so many ways in which I've become different, that I can't expect you to treat me like the old Jacen. I've grown up... or maybe I just think I have.

Either way, you might not like him.

Yet if I was to be really honest with myself, and not trying just to keep my expectations down to prevent being disappointed, I would say that you're the best thing that's ever happened to me, ever, and I know you don't care. That's the way you are, you're just there for someone, completely loyal, no matter what.

So keep holding on for me, and when I get back, I finally admit to something. We won't have to pretend anything anymore. I'll be honest, honestly. I know I don't deserve it, but you were always a forgiving person. I mean, I cut off your arm, what the problem with a delay in confessing my feelings for you? 

Hang in there Tenel Ka. I'm coming back...


	2. Dying

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Chapter One: Dying

Hollow.

She felt hollow. 

There was nothing inside of her, only a colourless, featureless hole. It was void of space, void of time, void of dimensions or feeling. Because there is nothing and nothing is empty and empty is hollow.

You couldn't feel pain if you were hollow, for that she was thankful.

Perhaps this was what dying felt like. Maybe, hopefully, she was already dead. Maybe her life wasn't real and she wasn't real and nobody, nothing was true. That would make sense, life couldn't possibly be worse than this feeling. Or not feeling, in her case.

Then she opened her eyes and the brutality of life hit her and she decided maybe life actually was worse than being hollow.

Reality bites.

And with that thought she sat up in bed, swung her legs off the edge of the mattress and stood up.

She wasn't going to feel sorry for herself, she wasn't going to complain, and she wasn't going to think of Jacen. She would fight hard, she would do her job and she would continue this struggle to move on with her life.

She liked to avoid self-examination at the moment. That opened wounds and anyway, she had more important things to do.

Her grandmother had some notion that being Queen meant she had to marry, most likely a powerful, distinguished member of Hapan nobility, about as charming as a viper. Maybe someone else in her position would have succumbed to the will of the former queen, letting others sort out their direction because they no longer cared about anything, but Tenel Ka refused to sink that far into depression. Her grandmother wanted a lot of things of Tenel Ka; better attire, queenly manners, no military involvement in the war, and she wanted Tenel Ka dead. So, in spite and perhaps because of Fa'ael's ruthless ambition, Tenel Ka wore her lizard hide armor, spoke bluntly and to the point, contributed troops to the New Republic and strived to keep on living.

She exercised, showered, and slipped on a robe to enter the room she used for meals. A secretary came forward with a datapad so that Tenel Ka could see what her Queenly duties required of her for that day.

Donning her Dathomiri warrior attire, but with a golden tiara and dark violet cloak of the Royal House of Hapes, Tenel Ka braced herself for the day. She built up her mental and emotional barriers and reminded herself as she did everyday that she had a purpose and a reason to go on.

Tenel Ka had lost much as of late.

She refused to be a sore loser.


	3. Luminescent

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Chapter Two: Luminescent

Tahiri Veila swiftly packed her few personal belongings into a travel bag and snapped it closed with determination. She scanned quickly around the room to see if there was anything she might have forgotten, and finding no shunted items, picked up her comlink.

"Control, this is Tahiri Veila, is my ship ready?" she asked with more assurance than she felt. Tahiri had been practicing more lately on the pilot simulations, at the prodding of Face Loran, but her skills weren't anything to brag about just yet.

"Jedi Tahiri, your exit has been cleared and an X-wing has been prepared," the smooth voice of military personal answered.

"Thank-you, I'll be there right away," Tahiri replied, then clicked off the communications device. She shouldered her bag, which was light despite her gender, and left the room she'd inhabited sporadically for the past few months. She was leaving Borleais, and probably not a moment too soon if the Vong movements were any indication.

Her breath caught in her chest as she entered the hangar bay and saw the gleaming X-wing waiting for her. She'd been given her own ship, and what seemed casual for some people was a big deal for her, as she'd never owned anything quite so powerful or expensive before. The painting, still shiny, was white, with red stripes running along the sides.

Red like Anakin's blood.

Pain coursed through her and her heart clenched. Until recently, tears had always formed in her eyes, but Tahiri was beginning to think there were no more left. Yet her pillow was always soaked in the morning.

Tahiri closed her eyes and gritted her teeth, warding off the fresh stream of grief. She stowed her bag, climbed the ladder and meticulously ran through the list of checks she was supposed to do as she strapped herself into the cockpit seat. Where Tahiri was going, there was one person that understood what she was going through. That person had suffered the same loss, experienced the same piercing pain, and had taken on even greater responsibility than Tahiri herself had, despite the ceaseless, unrelenting inner torture.

Tahiri powered her repulsor lifts, clearing the sky and upper atmosphere, then set a course for Hapes.

***

The Royal Court of Hapes was grand and opulent, with ceilings held up by pillars that towered over the noble heads and an elegance that spoke of a millenia long tradition and treasuries full to bursting.

Tenel Ka D'jo sat on an electrum dias, listening to the droning of two egotistical politicians, trying to decide whether she should simply motion for the guards to escort them from the chamber, or if she should step in herself. Usually, she merely presided over the Senate, but there were occasions she had to demonstrate her power to keep her subjects in obedience.

As the argument escalated into a petty disagreement between the two men, with jibes the other's history stirring each other up, Tenel Ka hit her scepter against the stone floor. The sound rang sharply through the room and most heads turned in interest towards the throne. Whispered conversations stopped, except for the two politicians, who were completely absorbed in their yelling match.

Tenel Ka stood regally and made an expectant noise in her throat. Both men trailed off in mid-sentence and turned fearfully to face her.

"I suggest," Tenel Ka said scornfully, "That if the senators cannot refrain from sharing embarrassing personal details, they should exit immediately. Otherwise, I believe the floor now belongs to Arabanth."

Her tone was strict and no nonsense, carrying a slight note of threat that she hoped would dissuade the senators from behaving in such a manner again. It was unlikely to work but it showed her power to the rest of the dignitaries.

The meeting was about to carry on, but the double doors on one side of the room flew open and a harried looking man scurried in.

"Queen Tenel Ka D'jo has just received a visitor, waiting for her on the private landing pad. The visitor demanded that I relay this message immediately," the man spoke with irritation.

Tenel Ka tilted her head in a muted gesture of curiousity.

"Who is this visitor?" she asked haughtily, hating the sound of her voice as she used the tone.

"Jedi Knight Tahiri Veila," the man answered.

Inwardly Tenel Ka took in the news with great pleasure, but outwardly her face remained immobile. She nodded her head once at the messenger then turned back to the waiting council.

"You may proceed without me," Tenel Ka said and then strode confidently from the room, feeling in better spirits than she had been for nearly a month.

***


	4. Petals

Tahiri was waiting by the ladder of her X-wing when Tenel Ka entered the hangar bay. The Dathomiri warrior turned queen was escorted by armed bodyguards and the flustered messenger Tahiri had met upon arrival.

Tenel Ka looked well from what Tahiri could see. Her friend was dressed in a resplendent violet cloak overtop of her Dathomiri armor, a jeweled tiara settled atop a mass of red-gold warrior braids that fell almost to her knee and her skin was a healthy tone. However, Tahiri knew there was more beneath the surface, mostly because she felt this way herself. Calm was outward, sorrow was inward.

Reaching Tahiri, Tenel Ka stepped forward and embraced the younger Jedi tightly. Tahiri returned the hug, thinking of how long if had been since she'd had another person touch her affectionately.

"I'm glad to see you here, my friend," Tenel Ka said softly. Her mouth smiled, but her eyes were sad. Tahiri knew she'd probably looked the same lately. Her own eyes were usually slightly red from crying.

Tahiri smiled brightly, "I hope you don't mind that I dropped in unexpectedly. There isn't exactly an 'official' reason I'm here."

_Just a very important personal one,_ she added in her head.

Tenel Ka made an off-handed gesture, "No matter, I appreciate a distraction."

Tahiri raised an eyebrow. The old Tenel Ka would never have said something like that out loud, it was too much an admission of defeat for her. It just went to show how deeply affected she had been by the mission to Myrkr.

"So," Tahiri said, walking forward with Tenel Ka out of the hangar, "What's been going on here? Anything interesting happening? Are you really busy?"

The corner of Tenel Ka's mouth twitched slightly. "I have been involved in the responsibilities of the Queen Mother for the most part. There is diplomatic proceedings and government meetings to preside over."

"Sounds boring," Tahiri commented, wrinkling her nose.

This managed to get a full smile from Tenel Ka, but a laugh seemed a far thing. Then again, she had never been one to laugh easily. Jacen had been the only one who could do that.

"Guard," Tenel Ka said in a demanding tone, turning to one of the bodyguards, "Time?"

The big burly man that she had addressed bowed before speaking, "Twenty standard minutes before the evening meal your Majesty."

Tenel Ka acknowledged this with a stately nod of her head, "Tahiri Veila will be joining me, inform the cook and my grandmother and father. Take her bag to the room across the hall from mine. Promptly.

"Yes your Majesty," the man said with another bow then hustled off.

Tenel Ka turned back to Tahiri with her usual expressionless face. Tahiri stared at her with a bit of awe.

"What is it?" Tenel Ka asked, seeing the look on her face.

"The way you can order people around like that. You know, 'pick up my bags,' 'inform this person of this,' 'do that,' 'do this,' and 'oh yeah, wash my feet.' Promptly. And the bowing and 'Your Majesty,' 'Whatever you say your majesty,' 'Right away your Majesty,' 'Let me scrub your boots your Majesty,' 'Oh no, please your highness, let me scrub your boots…'" Tahiri babbled.

Tenel Ka grimaced, "Yes, it is rather tiring."

"Are you kidding!" Tahiri exclaimed, "That would be so _fun._"

"Ah. Aha," Tenel Ka said, "I suppose it could be."

Tahiri gave her an infectious smile, and walked along beside the taller Jedi. Conversation with Tenel Ka could be very one sided, with her to-the-point attitude and lack of contractions. It was hard to understand her in some ways, but Tahiri found Tenel Ka interesting. The toughness and strength had always stirred admiration and she'd had a similarly strange background, though being heir to the Hapes Cluster was just a bit more prestigious than being raised by Tusken Raiders.

They reached the palace and Tenel Ka pointed out bits of Hapan art and architecture, the crystal fountains, the ceramic statues of magnificent creatures from all sixty-three worlds, the graceful buttresses holding up the walls, etc. Everything seemed incredibly polished, expensive and tasteful and Tahiri was afraid to touch any of it.

The room Tenel Ka opened for her was less elaborate, but still held a certain royal flair. There was a plush white silk bed, black walls of igneous rock, rich grey carpets that made seem like you were walking on pillows, and a refresher that was as big as Tahiri's old bedroom in the Jedi Temple had been. Tahiri blinked once then let out a whistle.

"If you ever want to trade lives Tenel Ka…" she teased.

Tenel Ka raised her eyebrows in a sarcastically cocky way, then nodded and exited the room. She slipped in "There are gowns and dresses in the wardrobe if you prefer," as she closed the door.

Some girls might hate wearing dresses, but Tahiri found it an enjoyable experience. Never having the chance to play dress-up as a little girl, she sifted through the glimmering, airy gowns searching for something suitably extravagant. When she finally found a dress in her size and tastes, she twirled happily in front of the full length mirror in a corner. The dress was mostly a light rose colour, but the layers of silk grew a darker pink underneath, like a true flower. The material certainly felt like petals in any case and Tahiri ran her hands lightly down the sides, enjoying the texture. It was backless, but the front was high, so she felt very grown-up. She smiled to herself in the mirror.

_Anakin would have loved to see me in this_.

The thought dropped like an atomic bomb, shattering whatever enjoyment she'd been building. There would always be these subtle reminders, triggers that set off an excruciatingly painful reaction. Would there ever come a time when everything didn't constantly hint to her what they had and could have had?

Tahiri turned away from the mirror and took a deep breath, preparing to face one of the many enemies she'd come to warn Tenel Ka about.


	5. The First Cut is the Deepest

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AN: Whoohoo! Reviews! Thanks to 'Nox and JJ, my most faithful reviewers! (You know I live for feedback) :0) Anyway, thanks as well to the other people that consistently review and here is the fourth chapter for you. I'm finally going back to Jacen.

Chapter Four: The First Cut is the Deepest

The hallway was completely silent, but the alien presence could still be felt. Her feet made not the slightest noise as she traversed silently to the spot where Jacen sat staring out the window to the night sky. Vergere took a seat beside him and still neither deigned to speak.

At last, the quiet was broken, and Vergere said in her soft, amused voice, "I am surprised that your family let you out of their sight for this long."

Jacen laughed gently, "I had to sneak away."

"No doubt," Vergere conceded and after a pause continued, "I sense there is another reason for this late night solitude."

Jacen smiled and nodded but didn't speak for a moment. Vergere senses him gathering his thoughts together.

"Vergere," he explained, "When I left the land of the living, I left a girl behind."

He stopped at hearing the words coming from his mouth.

"I suppose she's a woman now, girl isn't really the right word."

Vergere knew where this was going. She had wondered briefly whether he'd had any romantic entanglements before his apprenticeship to her. She was also curious what kind of partner Jacen would eventually choose because she would have to be a very specific type of woman. Jacen had grown up with a hot-tempered, willful older sister and as a result, he would probably prefer someone quieter, someone that could keep him grounded from his day-dreams.

Curiosity claimed her, but she did not allow it to extend to her voice, "What is this woman like?"

Jacen considered a moment before answering and his tone was subdued.

"She's like…" he stopped, "Like the eye of a storm. Calm, serene, almost expressionless, but not cold or distant. All the action goes on around her. Jaina told me she's a Queen now, though when I last saw her, she was a princess and she looked the part."

"So your girl became a woman and your princess became a queen. You wish to see if her heart has changed as well?" Vergere said whimsically.

Jacen nodded, "I want to know if her feelings have changed. Anyway, she still thinks I'm dead, and when I felt for her, it was like a black hole."

"When will you leave?" Vergere asked.

Jacen pursed his lips speculatively, "I won't leave for a week or so, Mom just got me back and she'd hate it if I left right away. Dad would be pretty mad too."

"I may accompany you," Vergere decided, and then she slowly got up to leave.

Tahiri entered the dining chamber to see Fa'ael, Prince Isolder and Tenel Ka already seated. Walking forward confidently, she gave them all what she hoped was a winning smile and sat down neatly in her chair. She saw Isolder's eyes flick briefly to her barefeet and smile slightly.

When Tahiri turned to Fa'ael however, there was nothing remotely resembling a smile or humour. She wondered if arrest had had any effect on the former queen's personality.

Tahiri seated herself on the plush red cushion and did her best to look at ease. The supper was a Hapan delicacy. A flaky bread stuffed with herbs and cheese made the appetizer, roasted fowl for the main course, sparkling kiwahsi wine for beverage and flower-shaped sugar statues for dessert.

There were some pleasantries exchanged between Fa'ael and Isolder as well as between Tenel Ka and Isolder, though the father-daughter relationship seemed slightly distant, uncomfortable in nature. Tahiri remained quiet, an unusual occurrence, but she was slightly hesitant to let anything slip in front of Ta'a Chume. The two experienced royals talked about the different economic situation on various Hapan planets and Tahiri lapsed into a boredom-induced coma.

She was unexpectedly brought back to life when Fa'ael turned to address Tahiri.

"And to what do we owe the pleasure of your visit?"

Her words were carefully polite, but there was a greedy suspicion evident in the former queen through the Force.

Tahiri swallowed the mouthful of food, which suddenly tasted very much like duracrete.

"I merely came to update Tenel Ka on matters concerning the Jedi," Tahiri answered innocently. 

"There is that little fighting? Surely the New Republic military would be loathe to lose a Jedi from their ranks in a time so desperate," Fa'ael said smoothly.

If that was the way the witch wanted to play it, so be it.

"Surely the Hapan government would dislike it if her Queen were under a direct threat to her life," Tahiri retorted back, pointedly glaring at her.

Fa'ael's eye's widened and she didn't talk anymore.

There was an uncomfortable silence, and Tenel Ka broke it by standing up and holding out her one arm to Tahiri.

"We will retire to the palace gardens to discuss our affairs. Sleep well," Tenel Ka said with a bow to her grandmother and father.

"The same for you, my daughter," Isolder said, though Ta'a Chume was stony and silent.

Outside the palace, two of the three Hapan moons were already in the sky. The silver beams outlined pearly pink leaves on laima trees, then were lost in the dark green foliage below. The flowers were difficult to distinguish even with the light of the moons, but Tahiri could smell a vast range of blossoms from tangy sweet to bitter-sharp.

Tenel Ka guided her from the gravel path to tall tree with long, drooping branches, looking like a mass of a maiden's hair. Tenel Ka drew aside a curtain of vines. As they stepped through, Tahiri realized that the leaves were mildly glowing a soft green. Inside the privacy of the branches, the area under the tree was grassy and open. Tenel Ka slid against the trunk and sighed with a relief of tension.

"No one can eavesdrop here, the energy from the tree's unique thylakoid reactions prevent electronic listening devices," Tenel Ka confided as Tahiri settled herself down on the soft, wet grass. The ticklish carpet was heaven to her bare feet.

"It's so beautiful here…" Tahiri said wonderingly, looking up at the dizzying kaleidoscope of the inner tree, "The palace, the gardens, fountains, everything... It seems so far away from the war and death and destruction."

Tenel Ka didn't take her gaze away from Tahiri, her grey eyes focused coolly on her friend's face. She seemed to absorb these musings, but she didn't say anything, only watched Tahiri.

Tahiri swallowed. Tenel Ka knew there was something she wanted to talk about, but was letting her come around to it gradually.

"And what a night," Tahiri continued distractedly, "Two moons, a full sky of stars, tinged with a hint of red from the Transitory mists, it's certainly better than Borleias."

Tenel Ka's expression didn't change, but she seemed to grow impatient with Tahiri's avoidance of the subject. Yet, when her voice came, it was kind and smooth, not frustrated, only tired. Tahiri realized that Tenel Ka must play games and fight battles with words all the time, now and constantly when she was a child. Perhaps that was why she talked in her controlled, simplistic way, because she was so tired of picking carefully selected words to sting, probe, ward off or convey displeasure to those around her. Most of those people were likely enemies, or at the least, people with selfish intentions. Tahiri came to a realization in that moment, though Tenel Ka may not display much expression or emotion, she was still a first-class actress. 

"What is it you want to say my friend?" Tenel Ka asked in a weary, moderate tone, her grey eyes affectionate, but sad.

Tahiri couldn't hold it in any longer. She wanted to know if there was another person in the universe that felt the same pain she did.

"How does it feel to be a widow?" Tahiri blurted out, her voice cracking and tears starting in her eyes, so that her next question was hardly above a whisper, "Are you like me?"

Tenel Ka's face, usually so impassive, had gone pallid and sick, and her eyes were wide. She stood up very abruptly and then just about fell over and grabbed the tree for support. Tahiri could see her chest rising and falling rapidly, her breath coming harshly as if she were straining desperately against a stronger force.

Tahiri saw the older Jedi's eyes closed and she stretched out with the Force to see Tenel Ka's thoughts. As she was assaulted with a barrage of feelings, grief and images, Tahiri realized she was seeing a flashback. She could feel Tenel Ka's remembrance of Jacen's death, the hot white fire and extinguishing of it all in a horrible, hated moment. She saw Tenel Ka banging her fist against the wall of the Yuuzhan Vong coral skipper and felt the rawness of her throat as she screamed at the top of her lungs in rage and sorrow. She could feel Tenel Ka, in the present, trying to hold back the memories, the feelings, trying to hold on to the impenetrable fog she'd wrapped herself in, the hurricane of mortal suffering.

She yanked herself quickly out of the warrior queen's mind, seeing that she was gasping for breath and gripping the trunk of the tree so hard that when her hand came away there were indents where her nails had dug ferociously in.

"I…" Tenel Ka began weakly, then stopped and tried to pull herself together, "I am sorry Tahiri. I just… just… I am glad you are here. The situations are frighteningly similar."

Tahiri nodded, then wiped at her eyes with the back of her hands, which came away wet.

"Everything I do keeps reminding me Tenel," Tahiri confided, "I never tried to block it out, only let it keep washing over me. Maybe it was some hope that punishing myself would… would bring him back."

It was Tenel Ka's turn to nod.

"I have been less strong than you, my friend," Tenel Ka admitted, "It isn't that I build walls from the pain. I let the pain wash through me and leave me empty. It is like my nerve endings are still so shocked from the one onslaught that they have not recuperated enough to feel anything else now."

"Maybe," Tahiri said with a sniff, getting to her feet and going over to Tenel Ka, "We'll help each other, okay?"

Tenel Ka took the proffered arm and stoically led their way out of the garden. Tahiri understood that they had finally taken the most essential step in grieving, the recognition.

But recognition didn't relieve the pain.


	6. Misery

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AN: Hey people! Thanks for all the reviews, it makes me want to write more immediately! Um, right, so a few notes about this chapter… First, the flashback in the middle is supposed to take place behind the scenes in Star by Star, so a deep, humble bow to Troy Denning, the genuis! And, yes, it's very sad, but hey, these are sad circumstances, things will get happier. Eventually.

And without dragging it out anymore, here's the post!

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Chapter Five: Misery

After seeing Tahiri safely to her room across the hall and two down from her own, Tenel Ka opened the door to her own silently. The glow panels came on and she slumped slightly because there was no one to see her, no one to care.

_That, perhaps,_ her mind spoke up, _Is the root of the problem._

Tenel Ka ignored her inner voice and slung off her violet cloak She moved through the catacombs of little rooms before her sleeping chamber, staying alert despite her weariness. It always paid to be on your toes.

She entered her room and let the cloak fall onto the bed. The material was thick and heavy, but she never noticed the weight until it was gone.

Instead of curling exhaustedly up on the bed like she usually did at the end of the day, she felt compelled to keep moving.

Unlatching the glass and metal work doors, Tenel Ka stepped out on the balcony adjoining her room. Lilies and magnificent blossoming plants crept along the walls and railing, filling the night air with their sweet perfume, while the stars and moons, now the complete three, filled the sky with a ethereal light. Nothing ever seemed solid at night, always more like the moonbeams that touched the earth. Everything was always so glowing, but at the same time dark, that depth perception and hard edges disappeared. Tenel Ka breathed deeply, trying to let the moist, warm air clothe her, protect her from herself.

_Just let it flow,_ her voice spoke to her again, _Set it free, make yourself live again._

She couldn't be living anymore. She'd hardly been able to think straight in the past few weeks, and in that time, she didn't remember feeling any emotion. Not until tonight when Tahiri had questioned her.

If she could, Tenel Ka considered, what would she feel?

Hate? Anger? A gradual lessening of pain?

Mostly, she would feel alone. Alone without a real connection to her father, without her mother, without her great-grandmother, and most of all, without Jacen. That future stretched before her, desolate and barren.

_You feel barren now anyway,_ the voices chided, _alone without anything to comfort you. Let the memories come._

Like a painkiller, being empty only numbed the pain. Could her shocked system be washed clean of the painkillers by release of emotion? Could she deal with it? Would she break down, never to be rebuilt?  
_Let them come…_

_The stars above were cool and distant, seen through the chill emptiness of space. Yet the cold of that vacuum mattered little to Tenel Ka, because she was warm and content, held tightly in Jacen's arms._

"So long," he whispered in her ear, "It's been so long."

"Forever," Tenel Ka assented gently, trying to keep herself from coming completely undone with relief and happiness.

They sat in a room on Eclipse, with one wall completely clear and open to view space. It was the only decoration the room had, but they weren't looking at it. They sat on a lumpy couch in the center of the room, embracing desperately. His face was buried in her russet hair, and she leaned her head on his shoulder. His arms clasped her to him in an unbreakable vice, and she nuzzled his neck affectionately with her nose.

"A year, maybe a year and half it's been. Kriff, I've lost track in this blasted war," Jacen said remorsefully.

"Too long. But do not dwell on it now Jacen," Tenel Ka spoke into his ear.

"Of course. What have you been doing anyway? I mean, I get your holo messages and updates from Uncle Luke, but I have no clue how everything has been affecting you," Jacen said, concerned.

"Well, the losses at Centerpoint put a great deal of animosity towards my mother and I. The Rodian, Jovan Drak, and I were given a variety of assignments from Master Skywalker. Since the battle of Duro and your encounter with Tsavong Lah, we were trying to rescue Jedi in need of help," Tenel Ka explained.

Jacen sighed. "It seems like everyone in the galaxy is always out to get us. I mean, there was the great purge before Uncle Luke's time, then all the trouble Palpantine went to in trying to turn Uncle Luke, and then the negative attitude towards us in the Senate…It seems so stupid."

Tenel Ka nodded.

"Some Peace Brigaders in the Corporate Sector went after Drak and I. I was imprisioned for three days before…" Tenel Ka stopped immediately, regretting the confession. Jacen's body was suddenly tense and she felt his muscles flex instinctively. If there was one thing Jacen was fiercely protective of, besides Jaina of course, it was her.

Even with the new philosophies he was testing, she knew that the passiveness would have evaporated in a second and he'd have blown the Peace Brigaders apart if he'd been there.

"Jacen," she said warningly.

He relaxed, letting a tense breath go and she could feel him seeking calm again.

"You're right. Even with this voxyn mission coming up, what matters is that you're here right now," Jacen said softly.

"With you," Tenel Ka added, turning her head to meet his waiting lips.

It was the first time he'd kissed her in a year and a half and it felt like he'd been waiting a decade. Lips, teeth, and tongues met in a cataclysmic reaction, destroying all thought of anything but the present. When they finally broke apart, he continued to kiss her face and neck, slowly, deliberately, as if savouring their short amount of time.

For indeed, their time was short together.

A long, blood-curdling scream erupted from her throat as Tenel Ka collapsed to her knees. Sweat and tears poured from her as the scream faded into a helpless whimper. Her eyes were closed and her hands her closed so tight in fists that her nails cut into the skin and blood trickled through her fingers. Physical suffering could not compare, it was a ghost, a jester, a fraud compared to the agony inside of her. 

Her forehead rested against the cool, smooth stone and she breathed heavily, beginning to regain control. One breath, two, three, and her body started to recover from the memory that burned like hot mercury in her blood vessels. Four breaths, five and her rapidly beating heart, a heart that was so sorely torn and battered, began to slow itself from hyperdrive to sublight speed.

"Jacen, Jacen," she repeated in a hoarse whisper, "Why?"

Unanswered questions sit like cancer in the lymph nodes. They cannot be erased, but they can be ignored, until forgetting makes them less hurtful.

She climbed unsteadily to her feet and dragged herself back into the room. She flung herself onto the bed, not caring if she was still wearing her clothes. In a ball she curled herself, tightly and fiercely, determined to think no more that night.

She needed something to concentrate on, something to help her fall asleep. Slowly she began to recite Jedi Code over and over to herself, like a mother recites a lulla bye to soothe a child after nightmares.

_There is no emotion; there is peace…_

Oh how she wished that was true.

_There is no ignorance; there is knowledge._

Ignorance could be bliss, and knowledge sure wasn't being any help.

_There is no passion; there is serenity._

She'd broken in the Code in that area for sure.

_There is no death; there is the Force._

Tenel Ka let out a small keening sound, protest at the words that no one could understand the depths of, aware that sometimes nothing could bring peace. She let her spirit sink into that empty place, allowed her conscious slip slowly into black waters.

***

Tahiri Veila sat up in bed, watching the moonlight stream through the window, contemplating the Force around her. She felt Tenel Ka's anguish and abruptly pulled her mind away.

_Oh Tenel Ka_, she said to herself,_ maybe the torment will end for us some day._

***

Thousands of light years away, Jacen Solo sat up abruptly in bed, gasping for air and perspiring profusely. The sheets covering his bare chest and legs were soaked with sweat. He reached out to his chrono, seeing it was only a few hours since he'd fallen asleep. Being satisfied that there was no immediate danger that had woken him up, he got up from bed and tried to concentrate on what the dream had been about. Had there even been a dream? Was it a vision? Wasn't there someone in pain?

He shook his head, trying to clear it enough to recall. There were nothing but fragments of feeling now, touching him like rain drops but fading rapidly. What was going on?

Eventually, he gave up, lying back down in bed. He fidgeted and took a few deep breaths, trying to get back to sleep. Soon, he felt, he would discover the source of that dream.


	7. Bloody Sunday

****

AN: Okay peoples, just a quick note. The flashback in here takes off from the Jacen/Tenel Ka scene on page 247 in Star by Star, by Troy Denning. Sadge, I know he "killed" Anakin, but really, I just finished reading Destiny's Way, and SbS is loads better than it. Really, it was a great piece of work, dark, but incredibly well-done.

Chapter Six: Bloody Sunday

An insistent prodding roused Tenel Ka from sleep the next morning. In an instant, a small stealth blaster was in her hand, leveled at her possible attacker.

"Kriff!" hissed Tahiri, her hands flying up to her head, "Watch where you point that thing!"

"I apologize," said Tenel Ka, lowering the blaster and wiping the sleep out of her eyes, "Is there something the matter?"

"You people are so paranoid around here," Tahiri muttered peevishly.

"Call it habit," Tenel Ka replied with a note of irritation, "What is wrong?"

"We're going on a little trip. Get some stuff together, and take anything from this room that you really value," Tahiri directed tersely.

Tenel Ka was confused, but she rolled off the bed, still dressed in her lizard hide armour. Within moments, she'd thrown her other clothes in a bag, attached her utility belt around her waist, clipped her lightsaber on, and grabbed the pink crystal necklace that Jacen had given her after the Crystal Reef crisis from its place on her dresser.

Tahiri was shifting from foot to foot anxiously, looking around nervously. Tenel Ka briefly touched her violet cloak before throwing it and her crown inside the clothing bag, then wrapped herself up in her long black Jedi cloak. She sensed danger from all around, but she couldn't sense a direct cause.

Swiftly, she nodded to Tahiri and they moved together through the antechambers to the wide hallway outside.

Hustling inconspicuously down the corridor, both girls were suddenly thrown forward onto their stomachs as everything behind them erupted into flame.

_BOOM!!!!!!!!!_

Tenel Ka was the first to her feet, instantly alert and ready for any other dangers. She helped a coughing, sputtering Tahiri to her feet and picked up the luggage they had dropped. Both Jedi were covered in a fine gray dust, which filled the air around them, while debris littered the surrounding floor.

"That was my room," Tenel Ka stated matter-of-factly, as if some evidence had just been offered to her.

"Yes," Tahiri choked out, her eyes watering.

"Ah. Aha," Tenel Ka said, grabbing Tahiri's arm and pulling her along, "Out of here. Quick."

Tahiri didn't make any protests, only let herself be led along.

Tenel Ka didn't understand how Tahiri had been alerted to this threat on her life, and would make sure to thank her profusely later. Now, however, she had to take charge and get her friend out of any immediate danger.

"Where are we going?" Tahiri asked, recovered from the suffocating dust.

"You had an escape ship ready, yes?" Tenel Ka questioned, looking back at Tahiri's face.

"Yes…" Tahiri answered slowly.

"Whoever caused that explosion may have the means and the network to sabatoge the ship you prepared as well. You will take your X-wing. I will take my Hapan VX-10 Dragon fighter. When we are in space, I will send you the coordinates over a private channel. You will jump to them. Understood?" Tenel Ka asked.

Tahiri's face had slipped into the trained, calm demeanor of a soldier. She nodded resolutely.

"Got it. I'll see you up there."

"Check for bugs on your X-wing," Tenel Ka said with a worried glance.

They split up, Tahiri heading in the direction of her X-wing and Tenel Ka towards the secret hangar where her personal ship was kept.

The Hapan VX-10 Dragon was the latest in the ships being manufactured in the Transitory mists. Instead of being on the side, the wings of the VX-10 extended like claws over the cockpit and the beneath the fuselage. The engineers bragged that it made a harder target. The fuselage was a smooth, blunted-triangle shape, like a tongue sticking out between the jaws of a dragon's mouth. It was complemented by quad-laser cannons, three proton torpedo launchers with a six torpedo carrying capacity, and state of the art targeting, manuevering, and engine-speed system. It was fast, sleek and deadly, just the way Tenel Ka liked a ship.

She snapped open the storage hatch, threw her bag in, closed it with a swift click, then climbed the waiting ladder (it was made to escape quickly) to the cockpit. There wasn't an astromech droid required, because of the new systems installed, and Tenel Ka started the ship up easily on her own. There was no whining of the repulsor lift engines as she engaged them, and her ship lifted silently out of the hangar. A kilometer away from her, she saw Tahiri bring her ship around as well, and hailed her on the comlink.

"Transmitting the coordinates now," Tenel Ka said seriously, clicking rapidly on the rows of buttons in front of her. There was a beep of confirmation as the coordinates were relayed.

"Ready!" Tahiri announced.

They sped away from the gravity of the planet, two brilliant white streaks in the early dawn light. When they'd cleared the atmosphere and gravity well, both girls engaged at the same time, bursting away with a dazzling flash of white.

* * *

The planet of Dreena was mostly ocean, covered with scattered groupings of islands. Viewed from space, it seemed to be entirely made up a dark, navy ocean, like a blue sapphire jewel.

When they exited hyperspace, Tenel ka immediately contacted Tahiri on the com.

"The vacation cottage used by my family is on the other side of the planet," Tenel Ka said, "It's very lowtech, they will not detect us until we are within that hemisphere."

"Acknowledged," Tahiri said and shut off the communications device.

Tenel Ka's ship swung to starboard and streaked towards the planet. Tahiri nudged her control stick to send her X-wing into a barrel roll and followed closely on her tail.

The trip along the planet's surface to the other side was uneventful, but enjoyable.

The water sparkled in the early morning sunrise, glinting off in rainbow prisims. In places, the water was so clear and pure that Tahiri could see hundreds of meters underwater. There were fish of any shape, size, or colour, from neon pink to darkest black, from tiny euglena to lethal sharks.

In the first rays of the sun, Tahiri saw a huge island, it's sandy shores rising peacefully out of the waves. She saw dense jungle clustered beind the sand dunes, and on a large plateau overlooking the sea was a magnificent mansion. Great wooden doors made the front entrance, well-tended gardens sprawled on every side, and five spires of different heights rose high into the sky. It was a classic, haphazard looking building, with seemingly random placed windows, a tall, elegant structure, dark brick walls and brown trim.

"Reef Fortress?" Tahiri guessed, having heard a little about the place.

"No," Tenel Ka answered, "That is on Hapes itself. This is a completely secret vacation home, kept that way because this planet is uninhabited, except for the people who tend our house."

"Pretty," Tahiri commented.

"Yes," Tenel Ka agreed, "But more importantly, it is secluded."

"So we're still in the Hapes Cluster?" Tahiri asked.

"That is correct."

"Dreena Air Space Control, respectfully hailing Ta'a Chume," a voice cut in over the comlink.

It took Tahiri a panicked second to realize that they meant Tenel Ka. She must have a transpoder on her ship.

"Dreena, this is Queen Mother Tenel Ka D'jo, accompanied by Tahiri Veila, preparing to land on Sandy Isle."

"The landing pad is clear, Erenda," the voice came again.

Tenel Ka acknowledged with a double click. The two fighter craft sped toward the island, looped around the house, then killed their engine speed and settled gracefully to the landing pad without a bump.

Tahir opened the hatch and climbed out eagerly. Nearby, Tenel Ka was doing the same. At the edge of the landing pad was a tall, graying man in a formal suit. Tenel Ka and Tahiri approached and the man executed a deep, humble bow, mumuring softly, "Your Majesty."

When he raised his head, a jovial grin lit his face from ear to ear, as if he were in possession of some great secret.

"Welcome," he said with a dramatic pause, "to the Sandy Isle of Dreena."

***

The inside of the house was as beautiful as the outside, with mosaic tile, a deep, rich brown wood for the walls, which were hung with warm coloured tapestries, and supplemented with antique furniture. The edifice was five stories in most place, seven stories at it's heighest tower, and included a greenhouse, conservatory, library, dining hall, gymnasium, weapons room, and innumerable bedrooms boasting limitless comforts.

"Let me get this straight," Tahiri said to Tenel Ka as they followed the butler through the hallways, "This is a 'summer cottage'? You consider this a 'cabin'?"

"It is considered very small by my grandmother's standards. It was her father that built it, calling it _Nesaliquas_, which means 'silence' in Hapan. He wanted a quiet place for solitude and studying. That is why the library is so extensive."

"Gods I wish I was rich sometimes," Tahiri muttered.

Tenel Ka smiled slightly. Tahiri was so cute when she was impressed.

Nesaliquas had no turbolifts, only wide, carpeted staircases, and the butler led them up five of these, then down a hallway, and into a wing that Tenel Ka remembered well from the two or three vacations she had spent here as a child. She stopped walkway and peered into the room she remembered from her stays. Light lavender silks covered the double bed and framed the window, a light coloured wood made up the four poster bed,m vanity table, dresser and armoire. Tenel Ka sighed as she stepped through, remembering how much she'd loved it when she was six and seven.

"Tahiri, my friend," she beckoned, "Come here, I will show you something."

Tahiri followed Tenel Ka over to the window, and then gasped in awe as she swept the curtains aside to reveal the view from the window. It seemed that the ocean was directly below them, an effect of the height of the plateau and house. They could the waters stretch out below them, endless, sparkling, pure.

"Wow," Tahiri breathed.

"Here," Tenel Ka motioned to Tahiri, "I have the perfect room for you."

Tahiri followed obediently, treading behind Tenel Ka as she led the way out of the room and down the hall two doors. Through the door was the most spectacular room Tahiri had fever seen. There was a four poster bed made from a beautiful dark wood, with carved flowers and vines entwining themselves into the pattern. The plush covers were rich red and gold. Above the bed were two wide open skylights through which streamed brilliant sunshine onto the wall opposite. It was made this way because in long cylinder pots on the floor were thick green rose vines that trailed lazily up the wall. Budding spectacularily all over the stems were roses of every colour and size, fillling the air with a soft, unobtrusive scent.

"Oh…" was all that Tahiri said, her voice awed.

Tenel Ka smiled and replied, "Your bags should be brought up soon. Imust go contact my father."

Tenel Ka took a direct path through the winding staircases to the communications room on the first floor. She turned on the holoprojector and rapidly typed the coordinates for her father's quarters on Hapes.

There was a loud beeping noise as the connection went through. Her father's image appeared on the receiver.

"Tenel Ka?" her father asked in a concerned voice, "Tell me you're alive."

Tenel Ka stepped into the view so that her father would see her image.

Her father's relief was evident as he gave a deep sigh and massaged his temples with his hands.

"My daughter…" he murmured softly, then he brought himself under control, "Where are you now?"

"Sandy Isle," Tenel Ka answered curtly.

A slight look of pain crossed over his face, quickly followed by a forced smile.

"You'll be safe there. Stay on Dreena a while, please Tenel Ka."

"It is not the nature of my family to run from danger," she answered, frowning.

Isolder sighed again, in frustration this time. "Please Tenel Ka. Take a vacation for just two weeks, a week even. I don't want to see you get hurt."

Adversion to this advice rose foremost in Tenel Ka's mind, but at the same time, a picture of the ocean from her window, limitless unending, sparkling appeared. She nodded slowly. "I will stay for a week. Then I will return to my duties."

A brief flicker of surprise lit Isolder's face before he bowed and said solemnly, "Good-bye then, Ereneda."

"Good-bye father."

Tenel Ka turned off the holocomm unit feeling vaguely unsure. She stood still for a few seconds in the silence of the darkened room before turning abruptly and exiting, preparing to spur the household into making dinner.

***

Breezes streamed through the darkened room, billowing the curtains of the windows into unearthly contortions and causing the royal occupant to shiver underneath the down-filled duvet. The winds smelled like salt and flowers, like life held together in precious shapes, each sacrosanct and unique.

In the silence of the night, Tenel Ka slept.

And she dreamed of the past…

_Tenel Ka gently rubbed the bacta lotion into Ulaha's skin, being careful not cause any damage with her ministrations. Jacen stood behind her, still deep in thought, brooding._

She finished and stood up from the bunk, Jacen thought he saw a flicker of indecision in her eyes, but then her lips quirked in a half-smile.

"My turn," she said, the smile spreading.

Jacen's jaw dropped, then he shook his head to clear it.

"Oh, I see, you're joking again."

Tenel Ka shook her head. "I think not."

Jacen was struggling to contain his disbelief. He stared as Tenel Ka brushed past him, returning to the bunk they'd just been talking in. His body turned and his eyes followed her, but he stood rooted to the spot, waiting for his illusions to be shattered.

Instead, she unzipped the top part of her jumpsuit, exposing the thin rags that they had been clothed in during their captivity. Jacen started walking towards her, still in a state of shock.

"Here," said Tenel Ka, giving him the lotion, "On my back."

She sat down on the edge of the bunk and Jacen sat down next to her, swallowing nervously. Tentatively, he poured some of the lotion into his hand, trying to remind himself that this was strictly for medical purposes.

He rubbed the lotion between his hand then reached out to Tenel Ka. He figured the least presumptuous place to start would be her shoulders, close to her neck. Delicately he smoothed the bacta solution against her smooth tanned skin, feeling the corded muscles of her shoulders and suddenly realizing how fast his heart was beating. He was gravitating closer to her without even noticing it. Slowly he flexed and relaxed his fingers, massaging her shoulders in a steady rhythm. As he forgot about concentrating on the lotion and grew more focused on the feeling of her skin underneath his hands, his fingers slid under the straps of her flimsy shirt. Breath-rate increasing and blood seeming to race through his veins, Jacen leaned forward so that his chin was almost resting on her shoulder. He dropped his head and softly placed a kiss on the slope between the shoulder and neck. Her skin was warm, he imagined his own was rising in temperature as well.

Tenel Ka sighed happily and slipped forward onto the bunk, resting her head on her arm. Jacen moved his hands to the bottom of the shirt and slowly applied more lotion to her lower back. His fingers ran lightly over her rib cage and traced a path up her spine. His hands ran over her skin tenderly, wary of the broken skin and devoted to taking the utmost care. Tenel Ka's eyes were closed but a peaceful smile worked its way across her face.

Jacen paused slightly, looking down at her with his brandy brown eyes. She was so beautiful when she was sleeping. It him weak all over, it brought him to tears. An ache formed in his chest, a prediction of the pain that he would feel if he were ever to lose her. A deep, profound sense of wonder settled over him brought on more quickly by his heightened heartbeat and rapid breathing. What had he ever done in his life to deserve her? Was he gathering the effects of his contributions in a past life? Did she realize how she made him feel?

Tenel Ka's eyes opened as his hands stopped moving. He swept his hand under her stomach to roll her onto her back, facing him. Then he moved propped himself up with one elbow, bringing his other hand up to cup her face. Her grey eyes had lost that mischievous look and regarded him with the only trace of nervousness or apprehension he had ever seen. Was she wondering what his intentions were? He brushed the red-gold hair back from her face and then brought his face so it was only centimeters from hers.

"Tenel Ka. You have to survive this mission," he said gravely, not sure how to say the words he wanted to say, but forcing them out as best he could, "Because I'm beginning to see that life wouldn't be worth it without you. Maybe the Vong are right about pain being the master. You're what keeps me from being overwhelmed by pain. You're what keeps back the darkness that tries to pull us under. You're my hope at the end of the war. Please don't leave me."

Tenel Ka's face was always only a shadow of her emotions, but now it was filled with a wistful sort of sadness. She arched her back, moving her arm to embrace him and her lips brushing his ear slightly as she whispered to him.

"Not now Jacen. Do not think about that now." 

She kissed him fiercely then, moaning as he pulled her close to him and kissed her in response. It was the most incredible, exciting sound he'd ever heard and it made him shiver, he moved his lips to kiss her collarbone, up the curve of her neck and then her mouth.

"Jacen." Her voice was soft and powerful at the same time, causing the tiny hairs on his arm to stand on end. It was controlled and frenzied in parallel. It was scared and brave in the same instant.

It was only one word.

It was all she had to say.


	8. Even Angels Fall

****

AN: Okay, there's some very famous poems in here, including the works of Percy Shelley, Aphra Behn, Alfred Lord Tennyson and one or two others. If you're curious, email me and I'll tell exactly who wrote what, but I'm too lazy to write it out now.

Chapter Six: Even Angels Fall

__

Love in fantastic triumph sate

Whilst bleeding hearts around him flowed.

For whom fresh pains he did create

And strange tyrannic power he showed:

From thy bright eyes he took his fires,

Which round about in sport he hurled; 

__

But 'twas from mine he took desires

Enough to undo the amorous world.

"All set Vergere?" Jacen asked as he powered up, with evident relief, the Lamba class shuttle.

The brooding avian creature finished adjusting the crash webbing of her seat and then gave her alien version of a nod. 

"You are sure about leaving early?" Vergere said in her neutral, observing tone.

A frown shadowed Jacen's face, and he looked speculative for a moment. 

"I have a feeling something is wrong. I'm worried something is going to happen, and I'm not going to be there in time to make a rescue or something," Jacen considered.

"This woman hardly seems to be the type that needs you to come to her rescue," Vergere pointed out thoughtfully.

Jacen laughed, a foreign, of late much unused sound.

"Yeah, that's Tenel Ka. Still, Tahiri left to see her right before I came, and I have a bad feeling about that too. It just doesn't seem like Tahiri."

"They seem like similar people in some ways, are you sure it is not something harmless?" Vergere asked.

"I'm sure they're in danger," Jacen said without hesitation, "Anyway, Tenel Ka is invited to the knighting ceremony, and Uncle Luke said it was okay if I went personally instead of sending a transmission." 

Vergere gave a solemn affirmation. "Let's go then."

Jacen set about retrieving the coordinates and readying the ship while Vergere considered this mission from different angles. They had already taken off and Jacen was engaging the hyperdrive when Vergere asked suddenly, "What is the name of this system?"

"Hapes," Jacen replied happily.

_Oh dear,_ wailed Vergere in her head, a sinking feeling settling in her stomach, 

__

Everyone is in for quite a surprise…

"Tahiri?" Tenel Ka asked, stepping through the doorway of the library.

Tahiri, curled up comfortably in a recliner, reading a book of Ancient Hapan love ballads, glanced up with a dazed look.

__

Of intolerable joys,

Of a death, in which who dies,

"Huh?" she asked.

Tenel Ka nodded her head in the direction of the hallway.

__

Loves his death and dies again

And would for ever so be slain

"I was going out for a walk on the beach. Would you care to join me?" she asked.

Tahiri gestured to the book and replied with a wry smile, "I'm absorbed, go ahead without me."

_And lives and dies and knows not why_

To live, but that he thus may never leave to die!

Inclining her head gracefully, Tenel Ka strode from the library and took a turbolift up to her own room. Not wanting to clean off the salt residue from her armor later on, she changed into loose cotton shorts and a grey tank top, and twisted her hair up into a large knot at the back of her head. She was about to leave the room, when she saw the crystal pink necklace she'd rescued from the palace sitting on her dresser top.

_And close in his embraces keep,_

Those delicious wounds that weep

Without thinking, she reached out and tied it around her neck. Somehow it felt right to wear it, though she couldn't put a finger on why.

_Balsam to heal themselves with. Thus,_

When these they deaths so numerous…

"What do you mean, 'she's not here'?" Jacen asked Isolder worriedly.

They stood on a landing pad near the palace, Jacen having just gotten off the shuttle.

Isolder looked weary and placed a hand on Jacen's shoulder.

"Listen carefully Jacen Solo," Isolder said, a hint of threat in his voice, "You were my daughter's friend at the Jedi Academy. You trusted her, she trusted you, you had many adventures in your teenage years. But my daughter nearly died yesterday, and you have just spent months in Yuuzhan Vong captivity. Her enemies here think she's dead. They can remain in that state of mind until Tenel Ka returns."

Jacen stepped back, surprised by Isolder's threats. Anger would have coursed through him not so long ago, but now he remained calm. He arranged his arguments logically in his mind and spoke in a moderate, yet heartfelt voice.

"Your Majesty, I would rather spend another lifetime in the Vong torture chambers than ever let any harm come to your daughter. I…" he paused, "I care for her deeply and would protect her at any cost. I have been through hell and back, so please, trust me. Please tell me where Tenel Ka is."

Isolder looked at him for several long, scrutinizing moments, assessing the young Jedi Knight before him.

"She's on a planet called Dreena," Isolder said quietly, almost whispering. He listed the coordinates.

Jacen nodded solemnly then bowed and hurried back into the ship.

Tenel Ka stepped off the main path around Nesaliquas to a tiny path that led down to the beach. Already, she could inhale the salty, tangy smell of the ocean and hear the roaring of the waves against the rocks. She walked easily, swinging her legs, her arm reaching up so her hand could play absently with the necklace.

__

The fountains mingle with the river,

And the rivers with the Ocean,

The sun was directly overhead in the sky, glaring down in its ambiguous, uncaring way. So much of nature carried on daily through millennia, uncaring of the petty mortals that lived out their dramas, each oblivious to the other.

_The winds of Heaven mix forever,_

With a sweet emotion;

Tenel Ka didn't think much on the way to the beach. She saw everything in a detached, faraway sort of way, but at the same time, she could feel everything. She took off her sandals and the soles of her feet felt every crevasse, imperfection and pattern in the rock. Slowly she descended down the path, looking at the ground at she put one foot in front of the other, as she took yet another step forward.

_Nothing in the world is single;_

All things by a law divine,

Though she didn't really think it, or acknowledge it, Tenel Ka knew she had reached her lowest point. She heard, saw, and smelled the merest details, but nothing registered in her mind. It was like walking around in a coma, but the paralysis was only with her mind. There was nothing now. Nothing to live for. Her freedom, her joy, they were gone. Everything that was holding her she hated, her crown, her duty, her family.

_In one spirit meet and mingle._

Why not I with thine?

She walked on, too absorbed to notice the sound of starship engines.

Jacen stepped out of the shuttle onto the landing pad, Vergere behind him.

"A party seems to be here to welcome us," she said softly, her eyes facing in the direction of the house, where some of the household was exiting.

"Think you can handle them?" Jacen asked anxiously, "Tenel Ka isn't in the house, I can feel it."

"For certain," Vergere said quietly.

Jacen gave her a quick nod, then stretched out with the Force, feeling for that familiar presence. He frowned as he found it, for it was diminished somehow, blighted.

He set off at a run, worried.

The sun beat down from above, heating her skin. She could almost feel the weight of the rays as they fell on her hair and body. The sand dunes surrounded her, billions and billions of tiny, miniscule shards of rock and glass, pressing into her feet and reflecting the dazzling sun back into her eyes. Her walk remained slow, patient, understanding things often took their time in coming to realization.

_Music, when soft voices die,_

Step…

__

Vibrates in the memory –

She felt the grainy texture of the sand, the rough, course beads beneath her feet. The shards were as thick as the planets in the galaxy, broken but still connected.

Odours, when sweet violets sicken,

Step…

__

Live within the sense they quicken.

She could feel the violence of the sun, the ultra-violet rays mixed homogeneously with the average photons. Each second slowed down enough that it seemed she could feel the individual particles hit her.

_Rose leaves, when the rose is dead,_

Step…

__

Are heaped for the beloved's bed.

The wind sung around her, loose, wild, and free. She was so close now, close to ocean, close to the edge of her epiphany, her recognition. The coolness of the ocean rolled off with the breeze, roiling around her, ruffling her hair and clothing.

_And so thy thoughts, when thou art gone,_

Step…

__

Love itself shall slumber on.

She reached the water's edge and sank into the water. The waves hit her knees, soothingly, calming her. Loosing her hair from its restrictions, she lay down on the sands, letting the crystal waters flow over her.

_Heard a carol, mournful, holy,_

Chanted loudly, chanted lowly,

'Til her blood was frozen slowly

And her eyes were darkened wholly…

For ere she reached upon the tide,

The first house by the water side,

Singing in her song she died…

Jacen jumped quickly from rock to rock, his heart racing not from exertion or physical activity, but because of the chaotic state of his emotions. How many times in the past few months had he thought of this day? For how many moments had he contemplated this meeting? Anticipation ran so thickly through the air that it was almost tangible.

The sun beat down, and he wrapped his shirt around his waist, shrugging off the sweltering cloth. He reached the beach and he could see the ocean stretching out before him in all its glory.

But for him, the beauty of the sea was incomparable to the young woman that lay half submerged in the water, the tiny waves lapping over her legs and soaking the ends of her knee-length red hair that shone with gold in the sunlight. He couldn't speak, but he walked forward.

__

Grant that I may not so much

Seek to be consoled as to console,

To be understood as to understand,

To be loved as to love.

For it is in giving that we receive

In pardoning that we are pardoned,

And in dying that we are born into eternal life.

Tenel Ka absorbed the warmth and life of the light. She basked in its glow, she felt it in every pore. She reveled in its fire, glorified in its golden rays.

On the outside, always on the outside. Her physical form, the shell of her was alive. But the light couldn't penetrate her skin. It couldn't penetrate the void inside of her. She was unreachable to the light. But it surrounded her and tried to make her whole. Her eyes may be closed, but the sun washed over her like the waves.

And then…

The sun was obstructed. A darkness, a darkness that at the same time felt like light, cut her off from the sun. It blocked it from her like a cloud.

But it was not a cloud.

She opened her eyes.

A face that she remembered in her every waking moment, in her every dream, every nightmare, was above hers, smiling. His form was outlined by the sun, surrounding him like a halo.

"I've missed you Tenel Ka," he said softly. 

Tenel Ka never spoke unnecessarily when she could help it. Now, half-formed thoughts and words tumbled from her mouth, none of them coherent.

"How…. Why? Wha…" she stuttered. Then tilted his head down to meet her lips. He had never kissed before this way in her life. It was passionate, sad, hopeful, happy, chaste, adoring and hard. She couldn't fully convey what it was she was feeling, but everything he felt, Jacen spoke to her with that kiss. And when he was finished, Tenel Ka didn't want him to stop, but he broke away.

Without a word, Jacen scooped her out of the water and into his arms, his arms encircling her impenetrably, joyously.

Tenel Ka shrieked as she came out of her shock, a high cry that didn't come anywhere near to expressing the happiness that spread to every part of her body at once and the life that infused her spirit.

Jacen was swinging her around in circles in the surf, hugging her so tightly she found it almost hard to breathe, and her feet barely touching the water.

"Oh, oh!" Tenel Ka exclaimed through her laughter, "Jacen! Put me down!"

"I can't do that!" Jacen exclaimed back, though he did loosen his hold just slightly so that she could stand on her own, "I'm never letting you go again, never!"

Tenel Ka laughed again, because suddenly, everything seemed right and wonderful, as though she should laugh constantly and unrestrained. Life was complete again.

"I do not argue, I confess," Tenel Ka said breathlessly.

She ran her hand over his back, she could feel his bones to clearly she realized, though there was also an unfamiliar bulk of muscle. She touched his hair, felt his shoulders, traced the lines of his face and lips and then looked into his eyes for long, speculative seconds.

His eyes showed elation now, but Tenel Ka could see deeper than the present, and she understood that there was a much greater depth to those eyes, hidden secrets, eternities of pain, unimaginable hardships. She would comprehend them someday.

"Tenel Ka," Jacen breathed, "Oh, Tenel…"  
Around and around they spun in the surf and the waves, the ocean spraying up around them in millions of little droplets, casting rainbows in the air, splashing Jacen's clothes and further soaking Tenel Ka's attire. The tears of joy she cried mingled with the salty water and ran back down into the ocean, while the waves increased in crescendo like their rapture.

At last when they stood apart and looked at each other fully, Tenel Ka saw the multitude of scars adorning his chest. She traced her finger from his shoulder, down the indentations in the center of his chest along the sternum bone, across the whiter skin of the spider-web scar beneath his heart, down to the healed wound of his muscled abdomen. She looked up, appalled, to meet his eyes.

"What happened?" she asked simply.

A wry grin pulled at Jacen's mouth.

"It's a long story, I'll tell you later," he said softly.

She looked into his eyes more closely and understanding passed between them. He would tell her everything, but not right at this moment.

"We should go back up to the house," Tenel Ka blurted suddenly, remembering Tahiri, and guilt flooded through her, "There's someone you have to talk to."


	9. Stripped

****

Chapter Seven: Stripped

They walked slowly up the beach together, hands clasped tightly, shoulders rubbing against each other and Tenel Ka smiling more than she ever had in her life.

Yet her smile kept disappearing as they neared the house, but an unimaginable guilt settled upon her spirit. She and Tahiri had developed a bond, a deep friendship brought about by similar circumstances and situations. They had both lost the dearest person to them in the universe and had chosen to keep on fighting. Now, she had Jacen back, really had him back, not a rumour or a holograph, but truly, overwhelmingly Jacen.

Which left Tahiri alone again. The understanding she'd found in Tenel Ka would be gone, or so Tenel Ka thought.

Nesaliquas came into view and Tenel Ka took deep breaths to brace herself. Jacen glanced at her.

"What's wrong?" he asked.

"Tahiri," Tenel Ka answered simply, "How will she feel now?"

Jacen sighed remorsefully. "Everything has a consequence, doesn't it? There's always a drawback.

"Yes," Tenel Ka agreed sadly.

He sighed again, then grinned for her benefit. "It will be okay, you'll see."

Tahiri sat on the front step of the mansion, her legs curled up to her chest and her chin resting on her knees. As Tenel Ka and Jacen came into view, her eyes went wide suddenly in disbelief. She got unsteadily to her feet, shaking visibly, as if she'd seen a ghost.

Jacen kept walking towards her and they met halfway. His expression remained calm, but sadness radiated off him through the Force. Tahiri held out her arms and Jacen reached out to hug her tightly, as she began to cry. He rocked her carefully back and forth on her feet.

"I miss him too Tahiri," Tenel Ka heard Jacen whisper, "I miss him too."

He planted a gentle kiss on her forehead, then let her go.

Tenel Ka felt the guilt welling up inside of her, more strongly than before, and her heart went out to the broken little girl before her. She stepped forward and embraced Tahiri too.

"Before memory of my pain fades, so much that I forget what it was like, and what you feel, let me say this, because I know it is what you fear," Tenel Ka said hoarsely, her voice nearly breaking with emotion, "You are not alone. You will never be alone. My friendship will always remain."

Tahiri cried harder, but a smile broke through the tears. She nodded and Tenel Ka broke away.

When the three Jedi had pulled themselves together somewhat, Jacen spoke up, his voice quiet but strong.

"Vergere is here."

Tenel Ka stiffened and Tahiri gasped, but Jacen held up his hands to ward off any outbursts.

"She is here as my teacher and, I suppose, my friend. We escaped the Yuuzhan Vong together."

Tenel Ka wasn't quite ready to accept Vergere without suspicion, despite Jacen's explanation, but she didn't say anything. Neither did Tahiri, they instead began walking towards the house, their stomachs alerting them it was dinnertime.

***

Gallond, the butler and chief care-taker of Nesaliquas was in a panic over lunch. As if the Queen Mother and her close friend weren't enough to manage for, now there was another Jedi Knight, and the strange little alien creature to cater for. Still, he loved to entertain, to organize, and there had been quite a lull in that area over the past while. He was secretly glad for the company.

He parked the platters of rich, steaming Hapan food, products from all over the sixty-three planets, on the large banquet table in the dining room. There was an air of relief and joy to the room's occupants that made him linger for a moment. 

He regarded the white feathered alien over his shoulder as he sauntered back towards the door. A memory stirred, deep in the subconscious of his head, a story or a legend, told to him as a child and long since forgotten.

He shook his head and pushed open the door to the kitchen, thinking himself crazy.

But he had seen or heard of such a creature before, he was sure of it.

***

Night shrouded the planet of Dreena, wrapping the crystal oceans in its dark cloak. On the Sandy Isle, in the house called Nesaliquas, all inhabitants were asleep, lulled into dreams by the rhythmic waves against the shore.

All inhabitants that is, except for Jacen and Tenel Ka.

They sat on a comfortable couch in the observatory, nestled closely together, with Jacen's arm around Tenel Ka's shoulder as they looked up through the enormous ceiling window.

Tenel Ka's eyes were on the stars, watching them in quiet contemplation, meanwhile, Jacen kept turning his head to observe her. His brandy brown eyes pored over every detail, taking in all the developments he had missed. 

"You've changed," he whispered in her ear, brushing his lips across her hair.

She met his assessing stare in question.

"It's in your face. There's something there that wasn't before."

An eyebrow raised skeptically, she commented dryly, "My face has not thus far been described as readable."

He grinned slightly, "Maybe it's my new insight. Everything has become so much… clearer." 

"Such as?"

Jacen grinned more, "Granted, you're right in front of me, but it's a nice clear view. A _very_ nice view."

He scanned her eyes for a reaction, then probed her with the Force and that she was embarrassed, which puzzled him.

"What?" he asked bluntly, giving a sly smile, "I can't admire a beautiful view?"

Tenel Ka's cheeks showed the barest trace of a blush. "There are more productive things to do than merely look."

Jacen's looked at her in shock. Her face remained impenetrable as always, but he thought her eyes twinkled.

"Tenel Ka," he said, "Was that a joke?"

The corner of her mouth rose the slightest bit.

"Perhaps."

His surprise dissipated into mischief.

"What do you mean by 'more productive things'?" he asked suspiciously, "What kinds of things?"

Her gray eyes regarded him expressionlessly, daring him.

He leaned forward so that their lips were only centimeters apart, "This kind of thing?"

Teasingly, he kissed her lips, but found he couldn't stop with that simple gesture. He pressed harder, reveling in the warmth he discovered waiting there and wrapped one arm around her neck, bring the other to grasp her hip. Her hand came up, possessively and brushed his cheek tenderly before ruffling his hair and pulling him closer to her. Jacen's heart raced, his blood thundered in his ears, making him dizzy with elation as he kissed her in a frenzy, more and more deeply. She gasped as he ran his hands up her rib cage then under her arm and up her back so that he could support her head in his hand as her head tilted back under his mouth.

"Tenel," he whispered as he kissed her, "We…"  
His words, though soft, seemed to have an anchoring effect on her and she stopped abruptly, pulling away.

"We should stop," she said regretfully, her eyes like grey storm clouds, dizzy and turbulent.

"Yes," Jacen affirmed, trying to get himself under control, "I'll see you in the morning."

He laid a lingering kiss on her cheek, inwardly checking himself, and hurriedly got himself out the door before he tried anything else. Leaning against a wall outside the room, he took some calming breaths, regaining normalcy.

He whistled lowly, running his tongue across his lips where he could still taste her kiss.

"Whoa."

He shook his head, and walked back to his room.

***

"Tenel Ka?"

The sound of Jacen's questioning voice pulled her from her sleep.

"Mmm?" she mumbled sleepily.

"There's a call coming in for you. Gallond said it was your grandmother," Jacen replied, sounding worried. His hand rested protectively on her shoulder.

At his last words, Tenel Ka became instantly awake and her eyes snapped open.

"Ta'a Chume?" she repeated in question, rolling off the couch and jumping to her feet, cursing mentally, "Can you get me the crown and some formal clothes from my room? Something vaguely comfortable?"

Jacen smiled, lighting up devilish brown eyes, and hastened from the room.

Tenel Ka hurriedly brushed her long red hair and splashed some water on her face. By the time she'd finished, Jacen had returned with a bundle of clothes, which he deposited into her arms.

"Thank-you," Tenel Ka said distractedly and ducked behind the elaborate paneled screen. She shucked off her pyjamas and threw them over the top, then picked up the articles Jacen had fetched.

She slipped on the pants, sky-blue like her military uniform and turned to the shirt. She held it out and squinted in a perturbed fashion, then put it on with a suspicious look. It was white silk, sleeveless, with a loose, revealing neckline. The fabric had been designed to hang just barely covering her breasts and was trimmed with gold thread on all edges. She attached the matching gold cloak with diamond clips at the shoulders, set a gold tiara with blue gems on her head, and stepped dubiously out from behind the screen.

Jacen lounged on the couch, facing the screen, with one hand behind his head, a spectator of a grand performance. Tenel Ka raised and an eyebrow and put her hand on her hip firmly.

"This," she asked pointedly, "Is your definition of 'comfortable'?"

Jacen grinned confidently. "It's comfortable for me looking at you."

Tenel Ka took a threatening step forward.

Jacen laughed and gave her a lopsided smile.

"Come on, you can kill me later. Her Highness is waiting."

With a face of barely controlled emotions, Tenel Ka followed him from the room.


	10. Things I Never Say

****

Chapter Eight:

She strode purposefully towards the communications module, her grey eyes intent, her features hardening and walk growing more rigid as she grew closer. Jacen could feel her bitterness lurking close to the surface, and felt a greater sense of admiration and respect for her. After all, this woman was indirectly responsible for her mother's death and had always been a constant needling force. Every move Fa'ael made was calculated to increase the success of her own selfish ventures.

"I imagine your grandmother had to call in a couple of favours to get out of jail," he said with bitter humor as they climbed down the main staircase.

Tenel Ka made a disgusted noise deep in her throat.

"I am quite sure it was bribes, actually," she answered, then her mouth curved slightly in an expression of distaste, "A sum of money, more than enough for a prominent political prisoner to be set free, disappeared a short time ago. Of course, I never discovered where it went, though the investigation was thorough. My grandmother is exceptionally good at covering her tracks and shifting the blame."

Jacen nodded, it sounded like the Ta'a Chume he'd known as a teenager visiting Hapes after Tenel Ka's tragic lightsaber accident. And, if Jaina's story of the drama following his capture at Mrkyr was accurately interpreted, the woman had murderous intentions.

They reached the communications room and Tenel Ka resolutely adjusted the crown the Queen Mother on her head. She stepped into the holocomm's transmission area and her grandmother's image appeared on the projector in front of her.

Fa'ael looked haughty and aloof as always, but with a slightly fluttery, harried look.

Tenel Ka raised her chin.

"You wished to speak with me, Grandmother?"

Fa'ael drew herself up, seeming to tense for a fight, responding to the ice so frequently present in her granddaughter's voice when being addressed by her. Jacen, from his position at the side of the room, out of range of the recorder, decided that he never wanted to make Tenel Ka as angry as the former Ta'a Chume did.

"Ta'a Chume Tenel Ka D'jo, I must first say how glad I am to see you alive and well."

Jacen kept the skeptical snort from escaping his throat. Fa'ael? Happy to see her barbarian, intractable, will-of-steel granddaughter alive? Unlikey.

Tenel Ka's face remained unmoving, so Fa'ael continued.

'Your father, in case you were wondering, was lathe to end your vacation. He did not tell me you were alive, let alone let me contact you. It was only because of recent events that he relented."

Jacen felt a peek of curiosity from Tenel Ka, yet her face showed only deadly seriousness.

There was a tension-ridden pause.

"What, I implore you, were these event you speak of?" asked Tenel Ka in a slow and deliberately controlled voice.

The holocomm failed in masking the gleam that cam into Fa'ael's eyes.

"Your Aunt Alyss's daughter, Haleigh, has been murdered. Brutally murdered, in fact. The press hasn't received word yet, it only happened an hour ago.

Tenel Ka blinked once, the only lapse in her lack of expression.

"I see," she answered carefully. She seemed to ponder this information for a moment. "I will return home to deal with this matter immediately."

Fa'ael smiled, "That is wise. There is other information that will interest you here. It seems in the explosion meant to kill you two days ago, that the bombs went off only in the front two rooms. Your sleeping chamber was unharmed."

Before Tenel Ka could reply to this information, the transmission suddenly ended.

Jacen was already getting to his feet, his mind working at a furious pace. He paced towards her and stood with his arms crossed over his chest as Tenel ka glared dangerously at the holoprojector.

"Tenel Ka," he said firmly.

She seemed slightly startled, her eyes lifting suddenly to his in question.

"Yes Jacen?"

He narrowed his eyes in scrutiny.

"I heard about the attempt on your life from your father, but was surprised not to here about it from you. Why didn't you tell me?"

He looked hard into her deep grey eyes, hoping to maybe intimidate her a little, but not really expecting to.

Tenel Ka dropped her gaze from his face and started to walk past him. "It wasn't really important Jacen," she murmured.

He caught her around the waist as she passed by and brought his hand up to tilt her chin towards him. He felt like ice-water was running through his blood stream, taking him over with a cold, lethal feeling. Ages ago, somewhere in one of their crazy escapades as Jedi trainees or maybe when he had first met her, he had promised himself without knowing it that he would protect her. Granted, she could fight her own fights, but the overprotective male in him always wanted to keep her safe from danger. The thought of someone trying to hurt her, or perhaps even kill her, made him feel angry, anxious and deadly all at once.

"If someone's trying to kill you I think I deserve to know. Your safety means a lot to mean, don't you realize that?"

She took a deep breath in, then wrapped her good arm around his waist and leaned her head against his shoulder, making him feel light-headed as the delicate smell of her hair and skin filled his nostrils.

"I know, Jacen, I know," she replied softly, "But I didn't want to worry you."

Jacen straightened again and turned his head to speak into her ear, "Don't worry about me, worry about yourself. I just like to be on alert that's all."

Tenel Ka smiled slightly, a gesture that only Jacen rarely saw, and turned her head, about to meet his lips.

Jacen closed his eyes, leaning in for the kiss, but suddenly Tenel Ka jerked away, exclaiming, "Jacen! I think I understand what my grandmother meant now!"

Mentally cursing Fa'ael and wishing her six feet under the ground, Jacen sighed wearily, "What?"

Tenel Ka began to pace.

"Whoever made the assassination attempt was not trying to kill me. My grandmother said only the front rooms sustained damage. My sleeping chamber was unharmed. Which means my assailants only wished to send a message."

"Haven't they ever heard of flimsi?" Jacen asked exasperatedly.

Tenel Ka didn't hear him though, "Come! We have to leave immediately!"

"Now? Where?" he asked.

"Hapes," she answered firmly striding rapidly from the room.

****

***

Tenel Ka hadn't brought a large amount luggage for the trip to Dreena, so less time was spent packing to exit the planet. She folded some of her clothes, stuffed them into a bag and threw in her few personal possessions. She clipped the case shut and sighed as she looked around the room. In a way, she was sad to be leaving, mostly because of Jacen's appearance on the planet and all the happiness it had brought her so suddenly.

"Packed already?"

She turned to see Jacen lounging against the door frame, his ruffled brown hair falling rakishly over his brown eyes and his arms crossed in that deceptively lazy position. He looked so much like the scoundrel his father has once been that Tenel Ka had to take a sudden deep breath to maintain her poise. 

"Of course," she answered regally, flipping the soft gold cloak over her shoulder. If he wanted to be seductive and coy, well, two could play that game. She was only glad that he was back within her reach to participate.

Jacen's mouth quirked in his famous lopsided grin. When they were younger, the expression had always been reassuringly charming, producing only a slightly giddy feeling inside of her. Now, however, it seemed more rugged, more full of secrets, and almost heart stopping in effect. He stopped leaning against the doorframe and stalked towards her, his eyes pinning her. He slid his hands around her waist slowly, encircling her in his arms. Obviously, her queenly act hadn't dissuaded him.

She tried, but failed in repressing the emotions that overcame her at this new development.

"Have I mentioned," he said, with his voice like a purr, "how incredible you look in that outfit."

Anger suddenly rose up inside of her at this reminder of his playful antics this morning. So what if she hadn't had time to change?  
"You," she began to lecture, pushing her hand into his chest to emphasis her point.

"Save it for someone who cares, Tenel Ka," he replied, and abruptly leaned forward to kiss her, causing her arguments to promptly vanish.

The sound of a person clearing her throat caused them suddenly break apart, dropping their arms and looking extremely guilty.

"I'm sorry to interrupt," Vergere said, actually sounding as if she meant it, "But I thought it best to inform you that our shuttle is ready. The Hapan Dragon fighter is loaded up within the ship, but Tahiri Veila has opted to travel back using her own X-wing."

Tenel Ka quickly regained her composure and nodded briefly, "That is adequate. I will be down to the landing pad shortly."

Vergere nodded and made her exit from the room. Tenel Ka could have sworn that the old Jedi Master had a slightly mocking twinkle in her eye.

She turned to give a scolding glare to Jacen, "And you had better get your own gear and meet me there."

Jacen smirked, but bowed grandly in a gesture of respect. He straightened, then kissed her hand, warm lips brushing softly against smooth skin.

"As you wish your majesty."

He walked casually away, leaving Tenel Ka greatly shook up.

***

At the landing platform behind Nesaliquas, Gallond assisted the strange creature Vergere in loading the cargo bay with luggage. He was an old man, past his prime and content with his retirement on Dreena, with only the minimal household tasks to perform. He had been slightly taken aback by the sudden appearance of the Queen Mother, but it seemed all that was now coming to a close. Yet, there remained something about the whole affair that bothered him, and he had a feeling the answer was right before his very eyes.

He shot a curious glance at the strange avian creature before him, studying the unfamiliar features.

"Madam?" he asked tentatively.

She turned to face him with an inquiring look. "Yes?"

"Pardon me for my bluntness, but I'm sure I've encountered you or one of your kind before. Tell me, what is the name of your species?" he questioned.

Vergere paused for a moment, turning her head to gaze off into the distant ocean, before turning to him and murmuring softly, "I am a Fosh. Perhaps I am _the_ Fosh. I intend to find out."

Fosh… the name triggered something in his head, but no connected memories resurface. It had a certain familiarity to it, but for the life of him he couldn't place where he had heard it. The story around the name was somewhere in his head, but though he grasped for it, the meaning eluded him.

"I wish you luck then, Madam," he answered, with a bob of his head. He backed away, watching as Vergere entered the ship where her apprentice and the Queen Mother were already waiting. She moved with her constant grace and silence.

Fosh… 

He continued to muddle out this strange puzzle as the ship closed all its hatches. He backed further away as the shuttle and the X-wing activated their repulsor lifts, and rose surely off the ground. 

At once, the story fell into place in his head, as the ships ignited their engines and sped off through the atmosphere. The Fosh were a legend, a bedtime story. A group of beings that, hundreds of years ago in the Old Republic, had been almost hunted to extinction by the Ni'Korish because of the incredible number of Force-talented offspring. They had left the Hapes cluster and escaped somewhere into the far reaches of the galaxy, never to be seen again. No one remembered exactly what they had looked like or what their powers had been, but they told stories of beautiful bird-like creatures who could cure a human of any illness.

Gallond stared after the retreating ships with wide eyes. Some might say he had witnessed a miracle. But the return of this wondrous being, this lost myth, seemed darker to him. Her homecoming seemed to bode the return of other legends.

And these other legends were not necessarily friendly.

***

Tenel Ka leaned back in the pilot's seat of the shuttle, oblivious to the outside world. The quiet, steady hum of the ship's engines and the cool fabric of the seat beneath her shoulders were her anchors in reality, while her mind was far away, off exploring other existences. Her eyes were closed and a trace of a smile lingered across her face. She was deep in thought, and for once it was not images of war or destruction, of the Hapan Royal court and two-faced politicians, of Jedi duty and upholding honor, but of something much simpler. Partially, she was thinking of Dreena and the Sandy Isle, surprising herself with how much she already missed the sound of the waves hitting the sand. But she was mostly thinking of Jacen, and how her life was suddenly whole again, restored in one glorious instant.

Her quiet solitude was broken by the sound of the door to the cockpit hissing open. She didn't need to open her eyes to see the intruder, because his very presence sent ripples of energy and power flowing through the Force.

She heard him tread softly over and look over the seat.

"Sleeping, hey?" he murmured softly to himself. She wasn't quite sleeping, of course, but now she felt she easily could with the warmth of his presence soothing her. She felt his lips brush her forehead softly and run his thumb slowly down her jaw, like he was touching a precious treasure. 

He sighed as he plopped down into the co-pilot's seat, sounding worried for some reason unknown to her.

"Jacen?" she asked, opening her eyes and stretching, then looking over to where he sat.

"Hey, you're awake," he said with a grin, swiveling his chair around to face her.

"Yes," she smiled, "I was just thinking…"

He looked at her, perplexed, "About…"

_Should I just come out with it, or work my way around?_ She wondered. Her eyes traveled over him, taking in his patient brown eyes, the military style pants and the loose shirt that exposed his upper chest. Her gaze focused on the great scar on his chest.

"You said you would tell me about your captivity," she said, reaching her hand out and softly brushing the scar with her fingertips. "You said it was a long story."

"For sure," he chuckled, "And maybe not worth telling in its entirety. It wouldn't mean the same if you didn't live through it."

Tenel Ka realized that he was right and she probably wouldn't understand. At least not in the sense he wanted her to.

"What did they do to you, Jacen?" she asked softly, her eyes beseeching him to try, to let her see some part of his suffering and toil. She loved him more than anyone, but without some insight into his experience, she was cut off from a part of him.

He took a long time in answering. His eyes were distant and dreamy, light years away from the cockpit of the ship and the Hapes Cluster.

"I was rebuilt," he began, "I was stripped down to my core and made again. There is an old quote Tenel Ka, it goes, "Man is born free, but everywhere he is in chains." It means that one may be born essentially good, but corrupted by society. I was given a chance to grow and develop without society, without judgement. I made my own conclusions, came to my own answers. I was remade a stronger person with a surety of my nature, a paradigm that wasn't skewed by anyone else's beliefs. That is what they did to me. They gave me their worst, and I became it. Then I defeated it and nothing they could throw at me could stop me."

Tenel Ka looked at him, absorbing this confession, staring hard into the depths of his eyes that somehow seemed deeper now. Here was the man she had loved since childhood, made into a god, albeit a Vong god, but nevertheless, almost immortal with supernatural power. She knew enough now. It was time for her confession as well.

She dropped her hand from his chest, straightening slightly in her seat.

"Jacen," she began, "When you stood over me on that beach a few days ago, you did not realize how narrowly you rescued me."

Jacen's eyes narrowed, "Rescued?"

Tenel Ka took a deep breath, "Perhaps it might have been suicide, perhaps not. But I had hit my lowest point, and even if I had gone on, I would never have been the same. I would have stopped trying to change Hapes. I would have quit striving to live. Until Tahiri came I was blocking everything out well enough that there was still hope and strength to go on. But she reminded me of how much I had lost, made me realize how much pain I was really in."

Jacen's face had paled slightly and his face seemed burdened, sick with worry.

She took his hand in hers, her eyes soft and pleading, "Do not look so. You are alive, and so am I. That is what matters."

Jacen made no verbal reply, but he outstretched his arms and pulled her into them. She tucked her head against his shoulder her and let him slowly caress her back. She felt warm liquid fall onto her forehead and realized he was crying, but trying not to let it show. He kissed her forehead where the tear had fallen and sniffed slightly, which he tried to hide with a cough.

"But that is not the point, Jacen," she carried on after a minute, still resting in his lap.

"Tenel Ka, I'm getting lost here," he said with a wry smile.

She tried to control the rapid beating in her heart and took a deep breath to brace herself.

"Jacen, I know I need to stop fooling myself. It gets both of us nowhere," she said seriously, and hesitated.

He continued to run his hand over her back possessively, and the gesture of protection gave her reason to continue.

"Jacen," she said, very quietly. Tilting her head so that her mouth was next to his ear, her voice only a whisper and all in a rush, she asked, "Would you want to rule sixty-three planets of a hidden cluster, with untold wealth and treasure, and have billions of people revere you as their Queen's chosen mate?"

Jacen's body jerked and he turned his head to look at her, his eyes wide with shock.

"You mean you want to get married?" he asked breathlessly.

Tenel Ka's mouth quirked with nervous humor, "That is part of the package."

Jacen's face broke into the brightest smile she'd ever seen and he promptly covered her mouth with his and pulled her more tightly to him. Through the Force she could feel his joy and his answer to her question. She kissed him back, feeling as if she could burst out laughing with glee, like she could run forty kilometers without breaking a sweat.

"Yes, of course I want to marry you," he gasped when they broke apart. He paused, "But shouldn't I be the one proposing to you?"

Tenel Ka smirked, "In both cultures in my heritage, the woman takes the initiative."

Jacen laughed and kissed her lightly, "I'll marry you Tenel Ka D'jo. And I'll be the happiest man in the galaxy because of it."


	11. Sturm and Drang

****

Chapter Ten: Sturm and Drang

AN: Yes, well, apparently the author's notes for my last chapter somehow did not make it into the story, so I'm putting them below the chapter title this time. Anyway, as I was going to say, Aerin, no, Jacen and Tenel Ka were never married before, it was just kind of an expression… Does that make sense? I hope not, because if it does it means I'm becoming normal. Also in the last author's notes, I was going to say, I promised myself I would never make Jacen and Tenel Ka get married, but hey, it worked with the story. Oh yes, and big shiny prize for Sadge for recognizing that quote! J Anyway, on with the story.

To Tahiri, it was a relief to finally bring the X-wing out of hyperspace. With only the mottled, sporadic patterns of the faster-than-light speed to keep her company, there was too much time to think.

The procedures for entering atmosphere and making a landing were steadily becoming more familiar, she realized as she set the craft down beside Jacen's shuttle. She began to hurry with her safety straps, her fingers almost shaking in near panic. Maybe if she rushed she could get out of the landing area before Jacen and Tenel Ka left their shuttle and leave without being noticed. Then she could find a place to be alone for…

_Snap out of it for Force's sake,_ a voice suddenly scolded her out of nowhere, _You're being silly and childish. You have to move on with your life sometime. Sooner better than later._

Tahiri sank back in her seat under the weight of this unexpected revelation. She squeezed her eyes shut and shook her head slowly.

_I'm not being weak and childish, _she argued vehemently in her mind, _The only person that ever cared about me is gone. Is it selfish to mourn?_

The other voice responded immediately, but more soothingly this time.

_There are people here who care about you. They may not be Anakin, but they _are_ your friends and they want to help you. Don't push them away. Not unless you want to be wretched and miserable for the rest of your life._

Tahiri sighed. Whatever she was telling herself, there was still a part of her inclined to be sulky. Maybe it was because she was jealous, or maybe because she was depressed. She'd lived in both emotions for the past few months and her negativity was taking over, threatening to completely engulf her. Without resistance and some serious attitude changes, there was no doubt it would.

_Consider this a wake-up call_, that sardonic part of her mind piped up.

She smiled wryly to herself, the muscles used in the gesture stinging with disuse.

She realized that the mechanics and technicians were probably wondering what was taking her so long and roused herself to get out of the cockpit. She couldn't quite see the landing bay's exit because Jacen's shuttle blocked it, but doubtless there were people waiting to ambush Tenel Ka on her arrival.

There was never a greater understatement.

As Tahiri walked towards the hangar doors and the exit came into sight, she saw an enormous mass of holonews reporters. All were holding recording devices of some kind and being held back by barriers and armed guards.

The commotion heightened as the boarding ramp of the shuttle opened with a metallic hiss.

Tenel Ka, resplendent in a magnificent violet dress and a full silver cloak that trailed like ocean waves behind her, stepped coolly and confidently down from the ship. The reporters started yelling questions and badgering her immediately, but she didn't spare them a glance. Behind her, Jacen strode casually down the ramp, flanking her like a guard without realizing it.

_Where's Vergere?_ Tahiri wondered as no sign of the little bird creature presented itself. _What could she be hiding from?_

Her thoughts were abruptly cut off by the increased clamor from the reporters.

"Your Majesty, what are your thoughts concerning the murder of your cousin?"

"Your Majesty, is it true that you and your cousin were targets of the same assassin?" 

"Highness, what are the reasons behind your recent absence? Who do you think is behind these attempts on the Royal Family?"

"Your Majesty, do you deny that you had your cousin murdered?"

At the last question Tahiri felt Tenel Ka's surprise through the Force, though the warrior woman continued to walk calmly and steadily through the throng of harassers. Movement caught Tahiri's eye as she followed the two older Jedi from the landing bay. Jacen had clenched and relaxed his hand violently, like he wanted to strangle the reporters, though he exuded only control and amicability through his Force presence. Tahiri smiled slightly at his protectiveness of Tenel Ka. If there was ever a monarch who didn't need a bodyguard, Tenel Ka was she.

As it was, Tenel Ka merely held up her hand and one of the nearby guards scurried forward. Tahiri couldn't hear what she said to him, but the guard pulled out a comlink and moments later the group of them started to escort the reporters firmly away from the landing pad. It was clear Tenel Ka wasn't going to put up with any of gossip chains or holotabloids.

Minutes later, they entered the palace and a steward came rushing forward, hands waving in frustration.

"Queen Mother! You're alive! Your grandmother asked to see you immediately after you arrived!"

Tahiri saw Tenel Ka raise an eyebrow skeptically.

"My grandmother should know the chain of command. I'll see her when I see fit," Tenel Ka replied decisively.

The steward bowed frantically and backed away, "Yes, your Majesty. I'll tell her right away, your Majesty!"

"See that you do," Tenel Ka murmured as she watched the servant retreat.

"What do you think Fa'ael wants?" Jacen asked.

Tenel Ka gave a tiny shrug, "I am unsure. I only refuse to be led by her wishes."

Jacen grinned, then turned in Tahiri's direction.

"What do you think Tahiri? I personally don't want to get between two Hapan monarchs."

Tahiri couldn't help smiling back, "Me neither."

"Regretfully, there are matters I must see to," interceded Tenel Ka, "But I will send summons later when dinner is prepared."

With a solemn nod, with a trace of knowing smile in Jacen's direction, she turned and walked briskly.

"Jacen, where's Vergere?" Tahiri asked, remembering her earlier question and flooded with a mix of concern and suspicion.

Jacen shot a glance at the door, then shrugged, "She told me she had to meditate on the ship. I'm not sure why it had to be there, but I didn't want to ask. Questioning Vergere usually results in me feeling stupid."

He smiled at his joke, "But I was thinking of doing some meditation as well. Do you want to come with me, or wander around on your own?"

Recent habit almost agreed to the latter, but she caught herself. Usually, she would have liked nothing better than to slip off on her own, but she reminded herself that she shouldn't be trying to shut herself away in seclusion so much. Reluctantly, she nodded her head.

"I'll tag along," she answered, managing another smile. She must be breaking some kind of record for grinning today.

If Jacen was surprised at her reply he showed no sign of it, and they took off in amiable silence to the palace gardens.

***

Tenel Ka walked through a secret hallway to her bed-chamber, rifling through her memory to remember the twists and turns of a corridor she had only used once before. She paused at an intersection, wondering the correct route. Usually her head was clear, but everything around her seemed to be rapidly altering. First, there was this assassination attempt, and more disturbing, the implication from a reporter that she was behind it. Such a thing had never happened before and it made her vaguely nervous. Only vaguely, of course, because she was confident in her ability to handle any sort of trouble. Still, it made a normally cool mind turn confused.

She reached back into her conscious with an old Jedi trick and found the proper direction, then plunged forward again. Ahead she saw the door that led to her room and reached out with the Force to detect any hostile presence that might be lurking there.

The only life signature she found was exuding anxiety and tension, though she knew so many people like that she found it hard to distinguish precisely the person.

She hit the door panel and stepped surely into the room as a large portrait slid shut behind her.

The character she'd detected was frantically tidying the room. Or, more specifically, the desk. The woman, a jittery little secretary who arranged Tenel Ka's daily appointments, seemed to be in such a frantic haste that she didn't notice when Tenel Ka entered the room. When the Dathomiri warrior cleared her throat, the secretary leaped almost three feet in the air.

"Aniva," commented Tenel Ka dryly, a pleasant greeting by most Hapan royalty standards, as the secretary whirled around, her hand on her heart.

"Erenda!" Aniva gasped, "You frightened me half to death! I was just preparing for your arrival-"

The woman seemed about to say more, but Tenel Ka cut her off with a sharp hand movement and moved to sit in a chair where she promptly began pulling off the uncomfortable high-heeled dress shoes that matched her violet dress. 

_Silly of me,_ she thought to herself, _I should have learned by now that dressing like real monarchy doesn't impress anyone. The media and public see me as a one-armed monstrosity either way, and it only bends to my grandmother's requests._

She realized Aniva was talking again and tuned in as the secretary's voice rose in pitch to near hysteria.

"… and the senator said that even if it wasn't murder, there was a conspiracy charge! Oh Majesty, please say that nothing will come of this, I don't want to work for another member of the Royal family. They are so dreadfully wicked and-"

"What?" Tenel Ka asked sharply, turning steel grey eyes to Aniva and holding her in place with that gaze, "What did you say?"

"Conspiracy your Highness! That's what I've been trying to tell you! And the Hapan guard will arrive soon to question you! Majesty, please say that they cannot arrest you!"

Tenel Ka began to feel a sensation like snakes slithering around her in stomach and her mouth became very dry suddenly. She covered it by demanding again, in a clear, steady voice.

"Aniva, stop. Begin again, and slowly. Leave out any unimportant details."

Aniva, though she was practically fainting with fear and shaking visibly, took a deep breath and began to explain in a thin, wavering voice. 

"The morning the bomb went off, a message was discovered in the palace and brought into the court when they met to decide a temporary solution to your sudden death."

_More likely they each wanted to quickly grab as much power and monetary resources as they could before the monarchy could step in, _Tenel Ka thought bitterly to herself. She'd seen more about the inner workings of politics in recent months than she'd been taught in sixteen years of royal tutoring, but that was probably her grandmother's intent.

"The message was brief but clear: Kill every member of the Royal Family and then form an alliance with the Yuuzhan Vong."

Aniva's voice quavered as she spoke the name of the alien invaders. Tenel Ka knew she had never seen the species up close, but they seemed to be like some nightmare story to Aniva, larger than life and scarier in her head than in actuality.

"It was assumed that the assassin who had attacked you would strike again, but nothing else happened until Haleigh was killed this morning. The information that you were coming home produced a great deal of speculation. Then the message sent on the morning of your departure was alleged to have come from your office. Now certain senators are accusing you of killing your monarchy and collaborating with the Yuuzhan Vong."

The sickly feeling grew rapidly inside of her, twisting her innards and making her want to retch. Yuuzhan Vong collaboration? Her? What kind of allegation was that? Surely the senators, power-hungry and devious as they were, understood that such a claim could never be proved?

She struggled to keep her voice calm.

"How did they come to that conclusion?" she asked Aniva.

Aniva wrung her hands together in worry. "I didn't understand completely your Majesty, but for some reason, they took your absence and return as proof that you were trying to kill your family. That wouldn't have been outstanding, except for the implication that you might be trying to eliminate all opponents and then throw in with the Yuuzhan Vong."

Tenel Ka sighed. She didn't want this right now. She was prepared to whip her government into shape, to hold her conniving grandmother in line, and to lead her people into war. What she really wanted was just to plan her wedding, to sort out the little, picky details, to subtly tease Jacen about his part in everything, to…

Oh, what was the use? It wasn't going to happen now with a conspiracy charge against her.

"What are the rules of the arrest?" she asked wearily.

"I'm not sure, Your Majesty. The Hapan guard said they would be here shortly to meet with you," Aniva answered nervously.

"My day keeps improving," Tenel Ka said with unaccustomed sarcasm, standing from her chair and moving hastily towards the armoire with her preferred clothes. There was an entire room filled with dresses and shoes next door, but she rarely looked in there.

Instead, she pulled out a long, severe black gown, the kind that made her look powerful and cruel, but beautiful and unattainable.

"Order some food and drink brought. Tell the guards I will be with them shortly," she requested firmly, exiting to her dressing room with a distinctly frustrated stride.


	12. The Trick Is To Keep Breathing

****

Chapter Eleven: The Trick is To Keep Breathing

Deep breath in, deep breath out.

Inhale, exhale.

Slow and easy. Fast and harsh.

Deep breath in…

Jacen held the lung full of air for a moment, interrupting his steady rhythm, like stopping time. He smiled with his eyes closed, holding the soft, exotic scent of a thousand flowers in his nose contently.

Out…

Meditation this time was unlike other days, for it had been a long time since his emotions had been in such disarray and tumult. But part of exercising your mind was simply letting it flow in the direction it desired, so instead of sinking through the chaotic, kaleidoscope layers of the Force, he let the surroundings sink into him, lulling him into a peaceful trance.

In the fabric of a smooth, velvet Force, as simple, pure, and uncomplicated as a faerie pond, he felt a slight tugging at the edge of his perception. He turned his inner sense towards the ripple in his pattern and recognized the quiet, knowing presence.

Vergere wanted to talk to him.

He opened his eyes and combined the act of stretching with getting to his feet. Vergere was sitting on a stone bench in front of him, in the shade of a thousand soft yellow roses tinged with pink.

"There is a weed in this garden, Jacen Solo," she said quietly, and slid lightly off the bench, beckoning that he should follow her. 

The garden was both radiant and gloomy. Trees and hedges grew in an intricate maze, unkempt in some places, and there were never any straight corners. Everything always curved, like a secret-keeper that called you to explore this one last bend. And one could never be sure what the garden was hiding, what was beyond the next curve.

It was filled with statues and benches; old queens, their beauty and lethality captured in marble, seraphs with wings spread out in glory, guarding the precious blossoms that grew so abundantly, carved marble vines twining up the legs of a bench and intermingling with their real-life counterpart… 

The silence was only broken by the sound of fountains gurgling and bubbling, the chirping of birds, or once, every so often, a wind would pick up and rustle the branches of the trees. They scraped together as their leaves tossed in the breeze, the sound seeming vaguely like laughing.

The area of the garden Jacen was following Vergere into seemed to grow denser and wilder, with more vines overtaking the statues and wild flowers covering the ground instead of neat turf. The stone walkway ended and a beaten dirt path, overgrown with disuse continued from where it left off.

Vergere stopped next to a garden wall and pulled back some of the vines to reveal a tiny doorway. She smiled mysteriously, then disappeared through the opening.

Jacen tread lightly over a hidden path after Vergere and stopped behind her as she entered a quiet glade. It was perfectly similar to every other nook, but it had an air of malignant stillness that seemed to abhor being broken, almost as if there was something dark sleeping there. Jacen's eyes swept over the area and paused at the black granite statue in the center. It was the only male sculpture he'd come to face with, but that wasn't what made it strange. It was three times taller than a person would be in real life, and even though the detail was in stone, it was plain that the clothes he wore had been rich and regal. The well-defined face was the most frightening feature, forbidding and scowling with hard, unmerciful eyes.

"This," said Vergere softly, stepping up to touch the statue, "Is a depiction of a man with the blood of millions on his hands."

"Millions?" breathed Jacen in horrified awe.

Vergere nodded slowly.

"The Fosh, my species, were originally from Hapes. And this man was the leader of a society, the Ni'Korish, who delighted in killing them."

"The Ni'Korish? But Jaina said that the Ni'Korish had been created when Tenel Ka's great-grandmother was in power."

"That group is a shadow of the real thing. They are political, not religious."

"Religious?"

Vergere sighed unhappily. "The real Ni'Korish were extremely anti-Jedi."

Jacen looked at her in puzzlement, "So an entire _species_ just got up and left? That makes no sense."

Vergere shook her head, "The Ni'Korish and the Hapans were very xenophobic, partially because so many Fosh became Jedi in the days of the Old Republic. They were the only other sentient species in the Hapes Cluster and the Hapans, being more technologically advanced, drove them out of a system that was originally in possession of the Fosh. Mostly, they used pressure, and subtle tactics like heavy taxes on goods or demanding tributes, but in the end, they had irreconcilable differences. The Fosh wanted to join the Republic, but the Hapans wanted isolation. The Fosh wanted freedom, the Hapans would not concede. The Fosh valued and prized their Jedi Knights, yet the Hapans despised them. So the Fosh left Hapes for the Core Worlds."

Jacen absorbed this quietly, then looked again at the statue thoughtfully.

"I get it. But why are you so concerned now?"

Vergere faced him, her eyes speculative.

"The Ni'Korish were disbanded when the leader died. But I believe they have come back. The small group in the Senate is mostly likely being controlled by a more powerful and intelligent backer."

Jacen nodded in agreement, but paused.

"It doesn't seem like enough proof…" he said tentatively.

Vergere was silent for a moment, looking away from him.

"I also believe they were behind the attempt on Tenel Ka's life," Vergere admitted.

Jacen stiffened, but as he ran all that Vergere had told him and all that had transpired recently, her words seemed to make sense. He was suddenly very concerned for Tenel Ka, and shifted nervously, looking behind him towards the exit of the garden.

"On a more personal note, Jacen Solo," said Vergere, seeming to sense his thoughts, "You seem to be advancing in your lessons faster than I can teach you them. It is a pity; we hardly covered any ground on the subject of love."

Jacen raised a skeptical eyebrow at her.

"I don't remember love being the criteria at all Vergere. Lots of lessons on pain, yes, but not love."

"Ah," said Vergere with a knowing smile, "But love is also an expression of pain."

Jacen eyed her quizzically, "Love is pain? It sure doesn't feel like it."

"Are you quite sure?" Vergere asked promptly, "But I did not say that specifically. Love is an _expression_ of pain. True, it is also much more, but since we have already studied so extensively into the subject of pain, I think it best to bridge the two topics. It's the easiest that way."

Jacen sat down, preparing to listen for a long time.

"When you are 'in love', a dreadfully inappropriate phrase if I ever heard one, you become satiated, like a full feeling in your soul. It is like a Kigra, a fearless, beautiful, deadly predator that hunts its prey with never ceasing skill. This Kigra has an expansive, bountiful territory. The Kigra will rarely ever go hungry. When it feels such a sensation, it will hunt and then eat. When it needs more food, it goes back to its plentiful resources and takes from it, therefore living luxurious and content, never stretching out beyond its borders. Because of this, it never challenges others, never sets out to become more, whether in dominance or in power. It's reign is supreme in it's territory, so why does it need to seek beyond it's limitless supply? And what does this comparison mean to you Jacen Solo?" Vergere asked, fixing him with a hard, meaningful gaze.

Jacen tilted his head, pondering the sun above for a moment, which seemed to at the end of a very long tunnel with the towering rose hedges around him. 

"I don't know Vergere," he admitted softly.

Vergere mumbled quietly in aggravation.

"Jacen, there is a task to accomplish now, and it is not to stay in this system and marry its Queen Mother! You have a purpose beyond the comprehension of most people. Your uncle, your aunt, your father, your sister… they do not understand what you have become or what it is you are destined to do," Vergere urged him, starting to pace slowly in front of him, her hands clasped in front of her.

Jacen wasn't quite sure whether this was true. He did feel like he was being shape for a certain type of role, though he couldn't see clearly what it was yet. But he didn't like where this conversation was going.

Vergere sighed deeply and took a deep breath before continuing.

"This is not to say I do not like Tenel Ka. She is well-suited to you in every way, complementing your strengths, compensating your faults. And she truly loves you with all her heart. She is very admirable in other respects as well, like her devotion to her people and her duty, her ability to remain in control of her outward emotions, and her strength of will," Vergere said in praise, moving her hands in a circular motion, like she longed to get on with the point. Jacen grew steadily more anxious and angrier.

"But you cannot stay here and become content and relaxed! Do not forget what you've learned! There is much to be done in the galaxy and in the Jedi Order! Do not give up your purpose, a purpose that only you have the ability to accomplish, to turn your eyes from war and destruction. You can end this fight!" she said passionately, turning her eyes towards him beseechingly, and gave another small sigh, "But first you must end your time here."

Jacen glared at her, getting to his feet.

"I don't see why I have to end my relationship with Tenel Ka to achieve my goal," he argued, crossing his arms over his chest.

"Jacen," Vergere said, a note of warning in her voice, "Jedi should not marry Jedi. I explained this to you before. It can unintentionally lead to the building of an empire, and gather enemies to you."

Jacen looked at her suspiciously. So Vergere knew about Tenel Ka's proposal. Well, that wasn't surprising, but he didn't appreciate her nosiness. And he wouldn't leave Tenel Ka, not even after what Vergere told him.

"I will not, Vergere," he decided, regarding her stonily.

"You are acting like a spoiled infant again," Vergere cautioned.

"So be it."

"Jacen, if she loves you, she will understand," Vergere paused, "That is, if she understands you at all now. You are greatly changed."

"She understands," he said hotly.

"Does she?" Vergere countered, "Then explain what it is you need to do and see if she can accept it."

Jacen felt like he was going to boil over with frustration. Vergere shouldn't be doing this to him. He had passed her tests, learned her lessons, played by her rules, and in the end he'd been grateful for her wisdom. But now she was forcing him to make the hardest decision of his life; remain with the woman he loved, or lead the Jedi Order to victory.

"She's changed as well," Jacen said defensively, "and she knows me."

Vergere, who always seemed to agree with you in words, but argue with you in her tone, shrugged casually.

"Perhaps she does, perhaps she will agree with your reasoning. It will be a test. Go to her Jacen, explain yourself."

She smiled slightly.

"That is, if you can."


	13. Orphean Wing

****

Chapter Eleven: Orphean Wing

__

The doubt that madness breeds,

Feeds this eternity,

Perhaps the promises were not intended,

To endure.

The scars that life has carved

Fell deepest on your heart

And the strength to overcome

Has left you waiting here.

But though the phantoms of this place

Want to steal away your grace

I'll sleep beside through the cold,

I will not leave you here

And in this silence I can hear, 

All the fury and the fear,

But I promise you my love, 

I will not leave you here,

For I will bury you

Where they bury me

But the emptiness is filled

And the hatred reconciled

With a daily struggle

To forget

Beyond frustration and contempt

Is the pain of heaven spent

By those ignorant and cold;

At your expense

I see, I see, I see we move with the water

I feel, I feel, I feel this darkness receding

I see, I see, I see we flow like the ocean

I feel I feel…

Oh God I don't think I'm breathing.

The petulant knock at the door was one of the many that would sound that night, and her unwelcome guests the first in a long series of visits that would have her up till the latest hours.

"Please answer that Aniva," Tenel Ka commanded gently, seating herself in a chair that was slightly higher and more elaborate than the other three at the antique table set.

Aniva, always fearful of royalty's wrath, moved swiftly towards the double doors and opened them meekly, bowing to the three officers that stepped inside. The leader was a tall, brunette woman, who was beautiful even by Hapan standards, wearing the formal uniform of the Hapan Justice Wing. She had a serious, intelligent look to her, with deep brown eyes and an assessing gaze. The two men that stood behind her seemed to be little more than muscle in comparison to her calm, calculating demeanor.

She strode coolly towards the table where Tenel Ka sat patiently and dropped down on one knee, bowing her head. Her followers respectfully did the same.

"Your Majesty," she addressed Tenel Ka, "I am Lieutenant Litara Rué. It is an honor to serve you."

Tenel Ka nodded, a signal for her to stand and she did, then took a seat without fuss.

"First, I will say that I have every confidence in your Majesty's character and I only hope that this foolish display will be over promptly. However, in the meantime, I have a duty to uphold."

"I understand that completely," Tenel Ka conceded truthfully.

"Then I hope you will understand my orders, which I am instructed to set upon you," Litara said with a hint of regret. "The procedure is this: You are under a loose form of house arrest. You can go where you choose in Fountain Palace, however, you must take an escort of the Hapan Justice Wing, _not_ the Royal Guard, with you wherever you go outside of these walls. Failure to comply with this will meet with greater restrictions to your freedom. You are to appear in the Hapan Senate tomorrow at nine hundred hours. The Hapan Royal Court will also be in session."

"So that is to be my trial?" Tenel Ka asked wearily.

"Yes, your Majesty," Litara replied, "You will hear the charges against you. You have the right to a lawyer, after which point the court will gather again."

Tenel Ka closed her eyes briefly, imagining all the fresh work this would give her to do, all the tedious paperwork, speeches, and careful plotting it would take to escape this trap.

"The rules are clear now," Tenel Ka assured them, "Is there anything else?"

"No, your Majesty."

"Then I must ask you to leave me to rest."

"Of course, your Majesty." Litara stood up and bowed again, very deeply, then went out with the same subtle determination she'd walked in with, the two men trailing behind her silently. Tahiri slipped in just as Aniva was about to close the door.

"Ugh," she said decidedly, wrinkling her nose, as Aniva shut the door soundly, "Who were they?"

"Police," Tenel Ka muttered by way of an answer, already trying to undo the zipper of her gown. By the gods she hated wearing dresses.

"What's the news?" Tahiri asked, flopping down on the huge bed.

With a sigh, Tenel Ka explained all of the accusations she had put up with and the case against her for the moment. Tahiri listened with wider and wider eyes, clenching her fists in angry balls at her sides.

"That's ridiculous!" Tahiri exclaimed.

"It's politics," Tenel Ka replied regretfully, with a vague shrug.

Tahiri muttered something explicit under her breath, then asked, "What happens now?

Tenel Ka began to take of the hateful shoes she was wearing. "House arrest. I can not leave Fountain Palace without an escort."

"That sounds pretty tame," Tahiri commented with a shrug.

"Of course," Tenel Ka answered with a touch of sarcasm, "But then there is the trial, with my grandmother and other relatives present."

"Oh. Vrelts."

Tenel Ka hid a smile. "That was my opinion on the matter too."

She ducked into the large, rather luxurious looking refresher adjoined to her room. Shunning the overly elaborate gown, she slipped into a soft silk robe. The garment was so long that it fell past her feet and trailed a few feet behind her, and its pattern was a pale-yellow with exquisite pink blossoms.

"I know I can find a way out of this, Tahiri," Tenel Ka continued, stepping out of the refresher and sitting down on the bed, then staring out the window as she spoke, "I just need to find someone righteous enough to defend me at the trial. The lawyers that my accusers produce will need an able competitor."

"Hmmm…" Tahiri pondered, "I'd have to say I'm out of my league with this royalty game, but I'll see what I can-"

Her sentence was cut off by a brisk knock at the door.

"Who could that be?" Tenel Ka wondered aloud, and slipped warily over to the door, tightening her silk robe around her waist before cautiously opening the door.

The young man standing there was exquisitely beautiful, with a fine, aristocratic bone structure that shaped his face into something undeniably proud, debonair, and clever all at the same time. His raven black hair fell in wisps to shade the glowing, entrancing black coals of his eyes. He was, for lack of a better word, gorgeous.

Tenel Ka knew him in an instant. Here was the young, and limitlessly rich, son of the Royal Vizier that her grandmother had been prodding her to marry. His father was a right-wing man, a tad mired in the old traditions, but Tenel Ka had never had reason to suspect any of their family of treachery or side-dealings. However, she definitely had no interest in marrying the person before her.

"Lord Danik," she commented, meeting his gaze without flinching as so many others must have, "It is a surprise to see you here."

"Your Majesty," he greeted with a low, courtly voice, a whisper of a smile crossing his features as he made an obligatory bow of his head, not a millimeter lower than was required of his station. "I had hoped to eat dinner with you… Who's this?"

Tahiri had stepped up beside Tenel Ka and was looking curiously at the unexpected visitor. In return, Danik was staring at her with undisguised interest.

Tenel Ka placed her hand on Tahiri's shoulder, and smiled, "This is my good friend, Tahiri Veila. She is visiting me at the moment."

Danik smiled suavely.

"It is an extreme pleasure to meet you, Lady Veila."

Tahiri looked vaguely flustered, as if she didn't know what to say to this presumptuous treatment.

"An honour, Lord Danik," she replied, holding out her hand with the intention of shaking his. Instead, he scooped it up in his palm and delicately laid a kiss on her smooth knuckles.

Tenel Ka could feel the amusement rolling of Tahiri through the Force, along with a certain degree of annoyance, and she utilized her practiced skill of being in control of her expressions to hide a smile.

"I regret, Lord Danik," Tenel Ka said kindly, "That I can not entertain you tonight. I am sure you have heard of the rumours in the Palace, and I have many arrangements to make."

He nodded curtly, "As you wish, your Majesty."

Tahiri turned to Tenel Ka, "I guess I should be going as well, you'll probably need your space."

Tenel Ka felt a rush of gratitude towards Tahiri for understanding the restlessness she felt without having to voice it. Entertaining nobles and a fancy meal was _not_ something she looked forward to after a day like this.

"That would be much appreciated, Tahiri, thank-you."

Lord Danik raised an eyebrow, and held out his hand, "Perhaps I may make myself useful by escorting Lady Veila back to her chambers?"

Tenel Ka winked at Tahiri, "I am not opposed. Good-night."

_I'll get you for this!_ Tahiri thought to Tenel Ka.

_And when you do you will already have endured the company of an extremely pompous nobleman for over fifteen minutes! _Tenel Ka answered gleefully.

****

_You are EVIL!_

Tenel Ka smiled sweetly. "Good-night, Tahiri!"

"Night," Tahiri said shortly with a scowl.

Tenel Ka closed the door behind them and dusted off her hands in a satisfied manner. She waltzed over to her favourite cushion chair, and sunk into it, reveling in the feeling of being off her feet for a second. She closed her eyes and used the Force to slowly and leisurely unwind all the tense, stiffened muscles in her body. Each knot that came undone was like a gulp of cool water on a scorching desert day.

"Aniva?" she called softly in the direction of the dressing room, where Aniva would be arranging gowns, "Could you please bring me something to drink? Just water, thank-you."

She knew she should get up now, maybe eat a supper and get something done, for it had only been awhile since her last sleep, due to the different lengths for rotations on Dreena and Hapes. Where it was midday on Dreena, here on Hapes, the sun was just setting. 

"Ah…" Tenel Ka breathed slowly, letting the Force soothe her worries and its gentle rhythm to wash away her stress.

The effort it would take to get out of the comfortable chair and into bed seemed too immense and she had just resigned herself to sleeping in the chair for the night when a knock sounded at her door.

Again.

This was turning out to be a _long_ night.

****

***

"Go away," she groaned from behind the closed doors.

Jacen grinned, she sounded exasperated.

"Tenel Ka, it's Jacen," he explained loudly so she could hear him.

"Tell him to go away," she said, still sounding exasperated.

He opened the door instead, stepping in silently and closing the heavy wooden portal behind him.

"Very funny," he said indignantly, then his face changed to form a devilish smile, "But you'll not be rid of me so easily this time, your majesty."

Tenel Ka seemed to wake up at the tone in his voice and opened her eyes to regard him suspiciously.

"I suppose I may have a moment or two to spare," she admitted thoughtfully, then winked almost imperceptibly at him.

"Only a moment?" he asked with a mock-pout.

She smiled wickedly, a glint of amusement coming into those limitless grey eyes of hers. "Oh, just sit down, Jacen."

Still smiling, he walked over and casually seated himself in the chair beside hers.

"Long night?" he estimated.

"You have _no_ idea," Tenel Ka remarked decidedly.

"I might," Jacen said ruefully, allowing a note of seriousness to enter his voice.

Tenel Ka's eyes met his, concerned and suspicious.

"What happened Jacen?" she asked bluntly.

He sighed. "You first."

She closed her eyes. "I have been accused of collaborating with the Yuuzhan Vong and am facing a conspiracy charge. I am under house arrest, my trial is tomorrow morning, and I have no idea where to look for a lawyer. I would sincerely like sleep."

Jacen whistled. "I give up. There's no way to win an self-pity contest with you, is there?"

Tenel Ka gave him an outraged look. 

"Self-pity?!" she seethed.

Jacen was already laughing, his eyes twinkling in delight at her anger.

She let out an angry breath and shook her head, the red-gold hair swishing in annoyance.

"Oh, Tenel Ka," Jacen pleaded, "It was only a joke."

She raised an eyebrow at him. "Ha."

Jacen broke into a grin, before his face became serious again, remembering why he had come to talk to her.

Sensing his change of mood, Tenel Ka faced him inquiringly.

"Now," she asked, "What was your news?"

He did his best to keep the sinking, twisting feeling in his stomach from showing on his face, but Tenel Ka apparently sensed his emotions and her body became tense, rigid.

"Vergere had a little talk with me today," Jacen began, "Though I suppose you could call it more of a lecture."

Tenel Ka's eyes showed the slightest trace of fear.

He sighed inwardly. He couldn't really beat around the bush in this instance, there was nothing to do but come straight out with it.

"She doesn't think I should consider marriage at this point in my life," Jacen said softly, not meeting her eyes, but looking at the arm of her chair, where her hand was rested demurely. Her hand clenched tightly at his words, then quickly relaxed as his own was placed gently over it.

"Tenel Ka," he whispered, running his thumb delicately over her skin, "I'm not going to obey her on this. What she says doesn't even make sense. If I'm supposed to lead the Jedi Order to some sort of destiny, then I don't see why I shouldn't have a woman that I love more than anything, with the strongest spirit in the galaxy, right there beside me while I'm doing it."

When he looked at her face, her eyes were closed and her mouth was set in a straight line. She seemed to be concentrating very hard on keeping her face controlled.

"Tenel Ka," he whispered again, bringing his hand up to brush her cheek slightly, "C'mon, look at me."

She turned her head towards him, and Jacen saw that her eyes were sparkling with conspicuous drops of moisture, kept from falling from her sheer strength of will.

"It's alright Jacen," she answered hoarsely, "You should obey your teacher."  
"No!" he exclaimed angrily, "Not in a billion years. You deserve more than that Tenel Ka."

He leaned closer, he face intense.

"Listen, Tenel Ka. You are strong, incredibly and unbelievably strong. Look at yourself, look at what you've come through. Your mother, your planet, your last mission for the Jedi… You've been a pillar of sanity and stability for everyone you know for the longest time, but I don't want you to have to be anymore. You don't have to bear everything alone, you don't have to put everyone else's needs before yours…"

Tenel Ka's mouth broke from its firm line for a moment, quivered, then reasserted itself. Jacen saw it though, and pulled her towards him, the disrupted chair scrapping against the exquisite marble floor.

To his surprise she didn't stiffen or pull back like she would have done when she was younger, but rested her head on his chest, not crying, but with her breath coming in pained shudders. Automatically his hands found their way into her hair and onto her back, gently comforting her.

"Just because you're Queen doesn't mean you're not human," he continued softly, "I know if you had to, you could hold everything together, because you've got that much strength. But what I'm saying is that I don't want you to have to do that by yourself anymore. I just want to help you Tenel Ka. I want to make sure you don't have to be strong all by yourself anymore."

A silence ensued, full of decisions, memories, and promises to be kept. The brave young queen he enfolded in his arms appeared to be thinking carefully about how to answer his proposals. After a moment, she shifted slightly and craned her neck so that her mouth and eyes were even with his. A smile tugged at the corner of her lips, while the streaks of tears that had finally descended made salty imprints on her face.

"I love you, Jacen," she murmured forcefully, before tilting her head forward to kiss him.

It was as reassuring answer as any.

When she pulled away, and hugged him tightly, he finally found the breath and the wits to ask about the near future.

"Tenel Ka, if you're going to be at the trial tomorrow, then Tahiri and I can do some snooping around and see what this scandal is actually about. We see if we can find some information about the people who have decided to accuse you of collaborating with the Vong."

Tenel Ka nodded appreciatively, and answered in her very Queen-like voice, "That will do nicely."

Jacen grinned slightly, "In any case, I suppose I should give you some time to regenerate."

Tenel Ka smiled in return, "Most definitely. Away with you, ruffian!"

Laughing slightly, Jacen and Tenel Ka stood up. He kissed her hand once before slowly exiting the room.


End file.
